Ketchup JOW #791

I am back from my sailing adventure and ready to resume my JOW duties.  I tend to remember jokes by subject.  Once I have a theme the jokes come relatively easily.  I was casting about for a theme for this week that does not involve the holidays when my sister suggested (for some reason) to use ketchup as a theme.

I am not even sure of the correct spelling, and that matters.  For example, the old ‘knock knock’ joke:

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Catsup.

Catsup who?

Catsup a tree!
See, it doesn’t really work if you spell the condiment with a K. 

So I started doing research.  I found out a lot about ketchup.  Henry J. Heinz began making ketchup in 1876. His recipe remains the same to this day. It became so popular that other manufacturers rushed to catch up to the ketchup craze. (Catchup to catsup might have been the slogan of the day.) Soon Ketchup, Catsup, Catchup, Ketsup, Catsip, Cotsup, Kotchup, Kitsip, Catsoup, Katshoup, Katsock, cackchop, Cornchop, Cotpock, Kotpock, Kutpuck, Kutchpack and Catchpuck were all available for sale. All were tomato-based and vied to become a household. Only three major brands survived: Heinz Ketchup, DelMonte Catsup and Hunt’s, who could not make up their mind and bottled under the names Hunt’s Catsup (east of the Mississippi), Hunt’s Ketchup (west of that same river) and Hunt’s Cornchops (in Iowa only).  Heinz originally referred to their product as catsup, but switched to ketchup in the 1880s to stand out. Eventually, ketchup became the standard spelling in the industry and among consumers, though you can still find catsup strongholds sprinkled across the U.S.

In doing the research I also discovered the following factoids:

Official veggie and official fruit. The tomato serves as both the official state vegetable and the official state fruit of Arkansas, in honor of the South Arkansas Vine Ripe Pink Tomato, sometimes known as “Bradley Pink.”

Official state beverage. Tomato juice is the official state beverage of Ohio.

Having solved the ‘ketchup’ spelling problem I tried finding something funny about this red condiment.  I have to confess that I keep the ketchup in the fridge, though from now on I’m going to keep in the bottle. Less messy.

I wonder - if a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a jam? Actually if you think about it, ketchup is a tomato smoothie

And never forget
“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.”

Some Grade School topical jokes:

Q: Why Did The Tomato Blush? A: Because he saw the salad dressing

Q: Why did Mrs. Tomato turn red? A: She saw Mr. Green Pea !

This joke was famously told in Pulp Fiction by Uma Thurman who warned John Travolta that the joke is not really very funny

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

And finally, because I have started writing again I have some grammar jokes

What do you call Santa’s Elves?

Subordinate Clauses

Some grammatical ‘walks into a bar’ jokes.

·         A question mark walks into a bar?

·         Two quotation marks “walk into” a bar.

·         A gerund and in infinitive walk into a bar drinking to drink

·         The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

·         Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.  They sit.  They drink.  They leave.

·         The past, present, and future all walked into a bar.  It was tense.

·         A coma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves

·         A dangling modifier walks into a bar.  After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

Since I just got back from sailing I remember this old pirate grammar joke

Crew: “We be ready for sea, Captain.”

Grammatically Correct Captain: “Are!”

Or the sign “This door is alarmed” 

Which quickly had two hand written notes added – ‘The window is startled’ and “The floor is taken aback.”

You know if women had apostrophes instead of periods they would probably me more possessive but prone to contractions.

A Dad Grammar joke:

Kid: What does this mean?

Dad: Why the meaning of ‘this’ is: it’s a pronoun.

I know, some of you think I am a geek.  But ‘geeks’ tend to super-passionate about their hobbies while ‘nerds’ are more academically inclined.  Of course, people who know the difference between those two are usually referred to as ‘dorks’.