I do believe
that the real purpose of presidential elections is to give the 24 hour news
stations something to talk about for the two years leading up to the
election. Once upon a time, bars were
closed on Election Day. I am sure that
created conflicts when an election happened on St. Patrick’s Day. Now, of course, with early voting you can
easily have a few before going in to cast your ballot. And with the current crop of candidates that
will probably be a necessity.
With that in
mind here are a few (forwarded) quotes on politics and politicians followed by
some various jokes. Not that I did not
mention Pi day (3-14-16) I was too busy
shoveling rocks to get the JOW out.
_________________________
If God wanted us to vote, he would have
given us better candidates. .............. ~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is
they get elected. ..........
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint
the great ones to public office. ... ~Aesop~
If we got one-tenth of what was
promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any
inducement to go to
heaven.
................. ~Will Rogers~
Politicians are the same all over. They
promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ............................
~Nikita Khrushchev~
When I was a boy I was told that
anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe
it.
..............~Clarence Darrow~
Politicians are people who, when they
see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more
tunnel.
......................~John Quinton~
Politics is the gentle art of getting
votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect
each from the
other.
.......................~Oscar Ameringer~
I offer my opponents a bargain:
if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about
them. ...............................~Adlai Stevenson~
A politician is a person who will lay
down your life for the country. ..............~ Tex
Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that
politics is too serious a matter to be left to the
politicians.
.............................~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys
to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
.................................~Doug Larson~
.................................~Doug Larson~
There ought to be one day -- just one
-- when there is open season on Congressmen
....................................~Will Rogers
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians abuse the privilege. ………..…..~Richard
Lopatt~
Two
environmental investigators from the DA's office were discussing vacation
plans. The female said that it might not be a good time for her male
counterpart to take a vacation.
"Why not?", he said.
"You
remember how we always talk about some evil and ugly genetic monster emerging
from all the contaminants in places like the Hudson River? Some uncontrollable
mutant life-form that'll raise its horrible snout from the toxic muck and slime
of New York., and terrify the entire nation with its wicked bellowing?"
"Yeah?
her partner replied."
"It's
happening. Trump is still leading in the polls".
++++++++++++++++
Death appeared
to three sailors on the deck of their boat and offered them a challenge.
“I have come
for you all. But you may throw whatever
you want over the side. I will let it
sink for one minute if I cannot bring it back to you within another minute you
may live.
The first
sailor threw a single hair of his head over the side. A minute later Death dived in and quickly
returned with the same hair.
The second
sailor threw a needle into the sea. A
minute later Death went in and promptly returned with the needle.
The third
sailor, however was saved. He threw an Alka-Seltzer
tablet into the water.
Here are
two dog jokes from Dick.
The first
begins with a dog walking into a telegram office.
(This one takes place in the old days, when people
sent telegrams.)
Dog: “I’d like
to send a telegram. The message is, ‘Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof woof, woof
woof woof woof.’”
Clerk: “Sir,
for the same price, you can add two more woofs.”
Dog: “But then
it wouldn’t make any sense.”
……………………….
A guy goes to a psychiatrist and he
says, “Doc you have to help me. I feel like I’m a dog.”
Very empathetically, the doctor
asks, “How long have you felt this way?”
The guy says, “Ever since I was a
puppy!!!”
Some bits from Pat
It is not that hard to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you later, the other will see
you after a while.
Marriage – a relationship between two people where one is
right and the other is the husband.
If you walk a mile in my shoes there is a good chance you
will wind up in a bar.
Sign in a bar – We do not have WiFi. Pretend it’s 1995 and actually talk to each
other.
Exercise makes you look better naked, but then so does Tequila. It’s your call.
There is no better karate instructor than a spider web in
your face.
Some politically incorrect bits from comedians:
The real reason we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a
courthouse is they include the commandments ‘Thou shall not steal’, Thou shall
not commit adultery’, ‘Thou shalt not lie.’
In a building full of lawyers and politicians it would create a hostile
work place. – George Carlin
“Some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of course he was
Jewish. Thirty years old, single, lives with his parents — come on. He works in
his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift — he’s Jewish. Give it
up!” RW
“Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most
afraid of being raped?” Natasha Leggero
“Women are constantly patting themselves on the back for
how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because they want to have
sex with them. Bill Burr
My school had ramps all over the place. It looked like
Tony Hawk designed my school.” Russell Peters
“I’ll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We’re not
afraid of them.” Sarah Silverman
“I don’t think Donald Trump needs a campaign; what he
needs is a hug.” Jerry Seinfeld
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