I try to use a lot of different types of jokes, including
some really hoary old ones – like ‘why did the chicken cross the road.’ The humor is based on the punchline being
matter of fact instead of clever – it is funny precisely because it is not what
you expect. Okay, it is not really all
that funny. But it is a genre and after all these years, it gets hard to come
up with anything new.
So here are a few jokes that cross the line, or the road
rather, followed by a few other non-chicken related jokes.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he had warrants.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
To corrupt the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I dream of a day when chickens can cross the road without
their motives being questioned.
Why did chicken called Jim Morrison cross the road?
To break on through to the other side
To break on through to the other side
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be
done!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side
To get to the udder side
Why did the duck cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
To prove he wasn't chicken!
A duck started to cross the road when a chicken stopped
him.
“Don’t do it man, you will never hear the end of it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
The chicken you numbskull.
Some thoughts from Tom:
·
My goal for 2016 is to lose 10 pounds.
Only 15 to go. Yes, he finished his
14-day diet in only 3 hours and 20 minutes.
·
We just went to Daylight Savings Time. Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back
10 pounds.
·
How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
·
A recent study has found that women who carry a
little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
·
Kids today don't know how easy they have it.
When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV
channel.
·
I may not be that funny or athletic or good
looking or smart or talented…. I forgot where I was going with this
Sign in a bar:
If you are drinking to forget, please pay in advance
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A man came to an interview for a circus.
The interviewer asks, “What do you do that is special?”
“I can imitate birds.”
“Look, sorry, but that is just not special enough for us.”
The man sighs and says, “Okay. Thanks anyway.” Then he opened the window and flew away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A preschool teacher was helping her little ones put on
their coats and boots before they went out to play in the snow. A little girl came over to her in tears.
“My boots are gone,” she wailed.
“There they are, over in the corner,” the teacher said
pointing to her boots.
“Those are not mine!” she said stamping her foot. “MINE HAS SNOW ON THEM!”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Two old high school girlfriends met at the ten year high
school reunion.
“So how are you doing?” one asked the other.
“Fantastic! My husband
just bought me a new Mercedes sports car.”
“That’s nice.”
“And he got me a new 24 carat gold watch.”
“That’s nice.”
“And he bought me a house on the beach for our romantic
getaways.”
“That’s nice.”
“So I heard you just went through a messy divorce. Did you get anything out of it?”
“Yes, I got enough money to go to Finishing School.”
“What did they teach you at Finishing School?”
“How to say ‘that’s nice’ instead of ‘go to hell.’”
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
two black garbage bags behind her. A $20
bill escapes out of the top of one and falls to the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her and tells
her she has lost a $20 bill.
“Oh, really? Darn,” says the little old lady. “Thanks for telling me.”
“Wait a minute,” says the cop, “Just where did you get
all that money?”
“Well, you see, officer, my back yard is right next to
the football stadium parking lot. On
game days a lot of the fans come and pee through the gaps in fence onto my
flower garden. So I stand behind the
fence with my hedge clippers. Each time
a man’s thing comes through my fence I say $20 or off it comes.”
The cop laughs, “That seems fair. Oh, but what is in the other bag?
“Well, you know,” says the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”
“Well, you know,” says the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”
No comments:
Post a Comment