Valued Contributor JOW #819

I sometimes recommend movies or books.  I just finished a very short book, a long essay actually, called Tribe by Sebastian Junger.  He has a very long and distinguished record as a war correspondent and several successful books.  He is a very smart man: he must be – I agree with him. His books's thesis is summed up in the forward: “Humans don’t mind hardships, in fact they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary.  Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.”  This is why some soldier miss war.  Or as a survivor from the horrors of the Yugoslavian civil war put it: ‘It was better when it was worse.’  Junger credits our modern disconnected society with a host of ills from PTSD, to suicides, to mass shootings.  He makes a good case.  The book is a quick read and is worth your time.

I am always glad to receive jokes from my JOW recipients.  This particular issue of the JOW is dedicated to some of these contributors.

From Keith

·         If Hilary Clinton wins the U.S. Presidential election, it will be the first time in history that two U.S. Presidents have slept with each other.  (Well, that we know of)

·         If Donald Trump wins the U.S. Presidential election, it will be the first time in history that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

A woman landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, she blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?"
Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass.
Her husband looked at the mess and replied calmly, "Yes."

<<<<<<<<<<< 

The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"
The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?"

……..

One day Dr. Mike Wilson noticed an elderly lady slowly pushing a cart through the supermarket parking lot.
Ever courteous, he insisted on taking it over for her.
The woman struggled alongside, doing her best to keep up.
At the entrance, he said, "Here you go, ma'am," and gave her the cart.
Catching her breath, she said, "Thank you, but I was using it to lean on."

Woody sent me this one I had not read before:

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking stiff-legged and slowly with his legs spread apart. 

Jackson said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

"No, I don't think so," his friend Owen replied. "The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man. 

They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

Bert, the old man, replied, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

"I think it's Peltry Syndrome," Jackson suggested.

"You thought – but you are wrong," Bert responded.

"I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome," Owen offered next.

"You thought – but you are wrong," Bert repeated.

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

"I well, thought it was a fart– but I was wrong, too!"

Which reminds me the three rules for old men.

1)      Take a piss when you have a chance

2)      Don’t pass up a chance for a nap

3)      Never trust a fart

 Woody also sent me some interesting facts about Texas:

Dalhart Texas is closer to five other state capitals than it is to Austin.  In fact, it is only 30 miles farther from Dalhart to Brownsville Texas to than it is up to Canada.  El Paso is closer to California than Dallas. And Texarkana is closer to Chicago than it is to El Paso.

On a really nice, efficient, Texas-size, gun range west of Houston they have actual streets with signs for Rifle and Pistol Court and Pistol Lane.  Other streets there are:  Rifle Lane, Marksman Way, Shooting Center Drive.  Those streets are needed because there so many kinds of ranges, as well as classes/activities, on that property and the streets help you find where you need to be.

Texas is the only place I know of that offers Bacon flavored sodas.  (Some people don’t like bacon.  Those people are wrong.)

From Pat’s son:

Said the Pilgrim Boy to the girl: "Ten dollars!!  By my Faith, Hope, where is thy Charity?"

If the Russians reinstate the monarchy, will Nicolas II’s great grandson become a commie tsar?

If a seagull leaves the ocean and lives on the bay, does it become a bagel?

And finally this sums up my lifestyle.

So I am not going to a party today, not even leaving the house, and going to bed early.   Seems like my childhood punishments have become my adult goals.