Brexit JOW #820

 

There has been a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth in the media about Great Britain leaving the European Union.  That will be the last time the elites ask the people what they want.  Other nations in the EU may now want to join the UK in leaving.  The process has been called Brixit for British Exit.  Will the Greeks now want a Grexit.  Will we have Departugal?  Czechout? Finish?  Slovakout? Italeave?  How about the French getting out – will that be Fruckoff? 

The English have been making the best of shocking the world with some one-liners:

·         It's important to just accept the result and move on, possibly to another country.

·         You Brexit, you pays for it.

·         I can't believe it took a referendum for Britain's youth to find out that old people hate them.

·         So what is next?  Adele writing a break up song for Brexit?

Woody passed on an email from a British friend who explains part of the problem:

The Pythagoras Theorem   ...........................  24 words

 The Lord`s Prayer ..................................... 66 words

 The Archimedes Principle ..............................  67 words

 The 10 Commandments .............................  179 words

 The USA Declaration of Independence....................  1300 words

 The European Union regulations on the sale of cabbages..........  26,911  words

Of course the establishment elite are very unhappy here at home.  Hillary was complaining that the stock market had gone down so much that dozens of her uber-rich banking buddies were late on their payments to her campaign.  If things don’t improve soon some of the Wall Street elite may have to give up one of their Aspen homes. But I am sure it will turn out all right in the end. 

 I try to keep a positive attitude – example: I am looking forward to seeing a candidate I loathe losing the Presidential Election.

But I had better quit ranting, finish the jokes, and go exercise.  I have been gone from the gym so long they think I am in the Fitness Protection Program

Keith sent me a new version of one of my favorite jokes:

A priest, a rabbi, a doctor and a lawyer are gathered at a mutual friend's graveside to mourn his passing.
The priest says to the others, "I think our good friend would have liked to take something with him to his next life." He pulls a $100 bill from his wallet and drops it on the casket.
The rabbi agrees, "That's a fine idea," and drops his own $100 bill on the casket.
The doctor, not to be outdone, does the same.
The lawyer murmurs, "What a wonderful thought," as he gazes down at their friend's casket. Whipping out his pen, he quickly writes a check for $400, drops it into the grave and takes the three $100 bills as change.

And these on why teachers drink:

The following questions were in last year's GED (grade 12 equivalent) examination.

Q.  What is a turbine?
A.  Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.  Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. 
Q.  How is dew formed?
A.  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. 
Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A.   If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed. 
Q.  In a democratic society, how important are elections? 
A.   Very important.  Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. 
Q.  What are steroids?
A.  Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
       (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)
Q.  What happens to your body as you age?
A.  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. 
Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? 
A.   He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.  (So true)
Q.  What is artificial insemination?
A.   When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. 
Q.  How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.   Keep it in the cow.         (Simple but brilliant)
Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)? 
A.  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:  A,E,I,O,U   

And finally one for my artist friends Bill and Debi:

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they find a magic lamp which, when rubbed produced a genie.

“Well, since there are three of you I will grant each of you one wish: you may great wealth but first you must do someone else’s job for a day.

The professor says, “I’ll be an elementary school teacher.  How hard can it be to teach a bunch of six year olds?”

The genie teleports him into a classroom where he quickly finds little screaming kids know just how to get on his nerves.  After an hour he gives up throws all the crayons, paper, and other school supplies into the air and surrenders his wish.

The CEO says, “I’ll be a waiter.  All you do is carry food out to tables.  It will be a breeze.”  So he is teleported to a restaurant.

After an hour of bungled orders, annoying customers, and surly cooks the CEO can take it no longer.  After he drops a plate of food, smashing the plates and glasses, he gives up.

The janitor says, “I’ll be an artist.”  He is transported to a loft surrounded by the ruined school supplies and broken crockery from the failed attempts of his companions.

He promptly glues pieces of the broken plates and glasses on a canvas.  He adds various bits of the school supplies, and –viola- he creates a piece of art entitled “Broken Dreams’.  It sells that day for thousands of dollars.

“Wow, how were you able to do that?” asked the CEO as the janitor counted the riches given him by the genie.

“Well, I was working as a janitor because it was the only job I could get after I got my Masters in Art.”