Young blood JOW #882

Just like old people, kids are an endless source of humor.  Bill sends me lots of jokes these days, including these, and I shamelessly turn them around.  Here are some jokes concerning the younger generation.

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle, holding it up and pounding on the back.  During her struggle the phone rang.  She asked her five-year-old daughter to answer the phone for her.

“Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now,” the girl said.  “She’s hitting the bottle.”

>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A little boy got lost at the gym and wandered into the woman’s locker room.  The ladies instinctively shrieked, grabbing towels and scurrying for cover.  The boy watched in puzzlement before asking, “What’s the matter, haven’t you seen a little boy before?”

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As a woman was nursing her baby when her sister’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what she was doing.

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.”

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Out bicycling one day with her eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, a grandma got a little wistful. “In ten years,” she said, “you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. 

Carolyn shrugged. “In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.”

 ^^^^^^^^^^^^

A little girl was watching her parents dress up for a formal party.  When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”

“Why not, sweetheart?”

“Every time you wear it you have a headache the next morning.”

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother, “I don’t know how to read or write and they won’t let me talk.”

…….

A pediatric nurse had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, she entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her injection

“No, no, no!” she screamed. 

“Lizzie,” scolded her mother, "that's not polite behavior.” 

With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!"

 +++++++++++++

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, “Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?”

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, “You don't have to make up something, Dad. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer.”

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Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. “I’m going to be away for a long time,” I told him. “I’m going to Iraq.”

“Why?” he asked. “Don't you know there’s a war going on over there?

And finally, a golf joke:

An older golfer was chipping his ball from near a water hazard; his club fell into the water.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The golfer replied that his club had fallen into water, and he needed the club to win the tournament to supplement his meager pension.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "No.
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked.  Again, the golfer replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer went home happy.
Sometime later the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my woman has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the golfer. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding.  You see, if I had said 'no' to Kate Upton, You would have come up with Jennifer Anniston. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve, that's why I said yes to Kate Upton."
And God was pleased.
The moral of this story is:  If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honorable reason, and only out of consideration for others!