Such a deal JOW - #886

There was an explosive story recently broken that shows how the biggest source of drugs in the ongoing opioid epidemic is American Big Pharm.  The drug companies have been dumping vast quantities of highly addictive narcotics into American homes.  Big Pharm even got a congressman to sponsor a bill that limited the DEA’s ability to limit their distribution of these drugs.  That congressman, a real friend to the pushers, is Congressman Marino, the very man nominated to the ‘Federal Drug Czar’ - Ironic, huh.

I tried to find some other jokes about Harvey, but the entire topic is apparently taboo.  Here are the only two I found.

How is Harvey Weinstein behavior compared to Bill Clinton’s?  Close but no cigar.  

‘Tonight is so beautiful that Harvey Weinstein invited it up to his room for a massage.”  The comedian who told that joke was shamed and had to apologize profusely from giving offense.   

·         Hollywood has the best moral compass because it has compassion. – (Actual quote from Harvey Weinstein.)

 Some jokes about strange financial dealings

Poor old Pat had a cow but no place to pasture her.  So went to see his neighbor Bill and offered to pay him $20 a month to keep the cow in Bill’s pasture.  Several months went by but Pat never gave Bill any money.  Finally, Bill went to see Pat.

“I know things have been tight for you lately, so how about we make a deal? I have pastured your cow for ten months.  You owe me $200.  But the cow is only worth about that much.  How about I just keep the cow and we’ll call it square?”
Pat thought for a minute and said, “Keep her one more month and you’ve got a deal.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Interviewer- ‘Sir you have made a considerable fortune.  How did you make your money?’

Millionaire – ‘I made it in the carrier pigeon business.’

Interviewer- ‘Carrier pigeons?  How many did you sell?’

Millionaire – ‘Only one; he kept coming back.’

Which reminds me of this scam-

An art collector was passing by a store near the art gallery when he saw a mangy cat lapping milk from an elegant saucer in the door of a shop.  He recognized that the saucer was a rare antique, worth hundreds of not thousands of dollars.  He did not want to tip his hand so we walked casually into the store and offered to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replied, ‘Yes that is my cat I am sorry but the cat isn’t for sale.’

The collector said, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice.  It looks perfect.  I’ll give you twenty dollars.’

“Well, sold,’ replied the owner and handed the cat over.

‘Hey,’ continued the collector in a casual manner, ‘for twenty bucks how about throwing in that old saucer.  I will need one and the cat knows this one.’

‘Sorry, buddy, but that is my lucky saucer.  I have sold eleven cats who were drinking milk from it.’

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·         I exercise because I figure the zombies will eat the slow ones first.

·         I am absolutely convinced that the socks that go missing turn into extra Tupperware tops.

·         I love books.  I’d like to give a shout out to all the librarians…  oh, sorry.

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, “That’s the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you’ve seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?”

Blank stares.

“Well, you’ve probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.”

An eight-year-old girl perked up. “How long was he missing?”

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A man is praying:  Dear Lord, you gave me youth and then you took it away. You gave me a good business and then took it away. You gave me a wonderful dog and then took him away. And many years ago you also gave me a wife.  I just wanted to remind you.......

And finally an instructional story.

At the airport after a tiring business trip a lady's return flight was delayed. She went to the airport shop, bought a book, a coffee and a small packet containing five cookies. The airport was crowded and she found a seat in the lounge, next to a stranger. After a few minutes' reading she became absorbed in her book. She took a cookie from the packet and began to drink her coffee. To her great surprise, the stranger in the next seat calmly took one of the cookies and ate it. Stunned, she couldn't bring herself to say anything, nor even to look at the stranger. Nervously she continued reading. After a few minutes she slowly picked up and ate the third biscuit. Incredibly, the stranger took the fourth cookie and ate it, then to the woman's amazement, he picked up the packet and offered her the last cookie. This being too much to tolerate, the lady angrily picked up her belongings, gave the stranger an indignant scowl and marched off to the boarding gate, where her flight was now ready. Flustered and enraged, she reached inside her purse and found an unopened package of cookies.