Smart Christmas JOW #895

First and foremost I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas.  Ruth and I will be spending the Christmas vacation in Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia.  It may not have snow, but at least it will be cold.

As a Christmas gift here are some smart jokes – that is, jokes about smart people.  ‘Egghead’ jokes about people who are too smart for the real world are very old.  I know a couple attributed to the Greeks that are at least 2500 years old.  The TV show Big Bang Theory is a series of skits roughly based on this theme of the absentminded professor.  Here are a few bits along those lines.

I will start with a very old Greek joke which is funny- funny odd. 

A Greek philosopher and his household had taken ship together.  The ship was caught in a terrible storm and all feared for their lives. 

“I don’t know why my slaves are afraid of us all drowning,” said the philosopher.  “I made provisions in my will that if I die they will be freed.”

The Great Albert Einstein Stories - Note: some of these are probably apocryphal, but he was said to be sweetly absentminded.

 
(1) One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. So Einstein told the driver that at the next stop on the tour to switch places, with Einstein sitting at the back in the driver's uniform. Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"

(2) Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there." When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"

(3) Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"

(4) When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognize him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein's home.

The driver said "Who does not know Einstein's address? Everyone in Princeton knows.  Do you want to meet him?.

Einstein replied "I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? "The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.

(5) Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.' Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket. The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.' Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'

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An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Once an old British professor was on a travelling by train. As fate should have, he was in the last compartment.  Now the problem was, whenever the train stopped at a station his compartment would never be on the platform.  It was a local train and anytime the poor guy wanted to get something to eat or drink he had to struggle to get over to the platform. By the time he reached his destination, he was really irritated.  He went straight to the station master`s office to lodge a complaint.

This is what he wrote.
"Please see to it that there is no last compartment in any train. If you still insist on having a last compartment, please put it somewhere in the middle".

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The absent-minded professor just came back home from a business trip, looking tired. His wife asked him: "Dear, you look awful, how was your trip?"
"Very bad. I got a rear-facing seat on the train, which made me very uncomfortable."
"Why didn't you ask the man opposite for a switch? "
"I wish I could have. But nobody was seating on that seat."