Last week was Valentine’s
Day, which I feel is one of the most pernicious of all the Hallmark
Holidays. Men are supposed to shower
their ladies with gifts and romantic gestures.
I would suspect that the whole thing was made up by the feminists,
except these days they are more involved with politics than romance; these days
the whole subject of love is fraught with minefields. In truth, love has always been perilous. Are
you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start
to fall in love? That feeling is actually all of your common sense leaving your
body. Yes, the brain is the most
impressive organ in our whole body. From the day you are born, it works 24
hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love. Here are some somewhat related jokes about Valentine’s
Day.
--------------------------
Do you have a date for next
year’s Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th.
Men and women are
different.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort
her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her,
respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
===========
Why do men like to fall in
love at first sight? Because doing so saves them a lot of money.
+++++++++++
A Renaissance Faire knight’s
girlfriend sent him off to the pub while she stayed home to polish his medieval
battle gear. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.
````````````
A nerdy pickup line:
Hi. Call me Microsoft. Can I crash at
your place tonight?
==========
A woman made the decision
to break off her recent engagement. Her friend
said, “What happened? I thought it was love at first sight!”
To which the woman replied,
“but the second and third looks changed my mind.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is a form of amnesia
where a girl forgets that there are about 1.2 billion other boys out there in
the world.
>>>>>>>>>
Never laugh at your
significant other’s choices because you happen to be one of them.
A visual joke -
A T-Rex told his
girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out arms.
To which the girlfriend
replied, “That’s not very much!”
------------
Q: Daddy, why are all
those cars beeping their horns?
A: Because there’s a
wedding happening.
Q: Don’t we say the horn a
warning signal, Daddy?
A: Exactly, son.
___________
A husband and wife are
drinking wine at home. The wife says, “I love you.”
The husband asks if that
is her or the wine talking.
She replies, “It’s me
talking to the wine.”
…………….
There were two antennas who
fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but
you could tell that they had a very strong connection. And the reception was excellent.
……………………
Roger was buying an
expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very
smart jeweler’s shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweler inquired,
"Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?"
Roger thought for a
moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only
love'."
The jeweler smiled and
said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you."
Roger retorted with a
glint in his eye, "Not romantic - practical. This way, if we break up, I
can use it again."
^^^^^
A man wanted Valentine's
Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the
florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones.
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of
feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns
and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic
candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to
read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye,
she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs
anemones."
And finally, something
completely different.
A fancy new grocery store
opened near my home. It has an automatic
mister to keep the produce fresh. Just
before it goes off you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of
rain. As you approach the diary section
you hear the lowing of cattle and the smell of fresh hay. Near the egg section there is the pleasing
aroma of bacon and eggs and the sound of eggs frying.
I don’t buy toilet paper
there anymore.
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