Just Saying JOW #1086

 We just got back from visiting friends and family on the East Coast.  I haven’t seen some of them for a while.  I learned a few things.  Apparently it is only appropriate to say “Look at you!  You’ve gotten so big!” to children.  Adults tend to get offended.

And speaking of offense, something that seems to be in plentiful supply these days, I have a lot of sharp comments for your amusement this week.

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A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

 

"He had delusions of adequacy."

Walter Kerr

 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill

 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

Clarence Darrow

 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

 

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”

Ernest Hemingway in reply

 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

 

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

Winston Churchill, in response

 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

Moses Hadas

  

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain

 

"He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends."

Oscar Wilde

 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

Stephen Bishop

 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

John Bright

 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

Irvin S. Cobb

 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

Samuel Johnson

 

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

Mark Twain

 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork"

Mae West

 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Oscar Wilde

 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. "

Andrew Lang

 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

Billy Wilder

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Southerners have a way with words, some better than others.  Ann Richards and Sam Rayburn from the Democrat's side were pretty good, but Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy is the Will Rogers of our time.

Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a Law degree from the University of Virginia and a degree from Oxford in England.  He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful & a humorous.  The Senator from Louisiana once described Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”  He tends to deliver his lines with a smile and a wink which takes the sting out of them. Still, he has had some good zingers over the years; they are worth hearing no matter what your political persuasion. 

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Comment about Cuomo lecturing the Senate. "It's like a frog calling you ugly".

 

This election in Ga will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, a person of faith, or an unborn baby!

 

You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

 

Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.

 

It’s as dead as four o’clock.

 

Always follow your heart.....but take your brains with you.

 

The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’

 

It must suck to be that dumb.

 

When the Portland mayor's IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.

 

I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer's point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

 

Go sell your crazy somewhere else...we are all stocked up here.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

 

 

Some general insults provided from the greater LA area.

 

1. Why play so hard to get, when you are so hard to want?

2. You look like a “before” picture.

3. You are impossible to underestimate.

4. Do you realize that people just tolerate you?

5. Your gene pool could use a little more chlorine.

6. You are the human equivalent of a participation award.

7. The only culture you possess is bacteria.

8. You are not pretty enough to be this stupid.

9. I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.

10. You look like a visible fart.

11. You clearly have not been burdened by an overabundance of education.

12. I envy people who haven’t met you.

13. Whoever told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.

14. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.

15. You haven’t been yourself lately. We’ve all noticed the improvement.

16. You are like a candle--better burned out.

17. She thinks she’s a siren, but she looks more like a false alarm.

18. He is dark and handsome.  When it’s dark, he is handsome. 

19. Some day you will find yourself, and you will be disappointed.

20. I get so emotional when you are not around.  The emotion is happiness.

21. I haven’t seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.

 

And finally

A school teacher wanted to educate her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One child in her class stood up and the teacher was really surprised. She didn’t anticipate that anyone would stand up so she asks him, “Why did you stand up?”

He answers, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”