Get your Red Hot JOW #1141

 

The UN just announced that the world population will reach eight billion by the end of the year.  When I was born, it was 2.5 billion.   When I was born, the world CO2 level was 320 ppm.  Today it is over 420 ppm.  I consider myself as sort of an environmental hipster; I believed in global warming before it was co... Never mind, even I can’t write a joke that bad.  How about this: I am so old I remember when glaciers were cool.  Anyway, I try to find something humorous in everything.  If I can do a JOW about accountants, I can tackle global climate change.

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Walking out to my truck today, in Texas, I can’t help but think, Joe Biden has really overdone it with his global warming plan.

 

How many politicians does it take the solve climate change?

Trick question: politicians can't solve anything.

 

Maybe they need a new mascot to humanize the problem.  Something like Melty, the Climate change snowman

 

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

 

We should all stop studying global warming in colleges.

Because every time someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

 

What's the difference between climate change and obesity?

One's a worldwide problem.
The other's a wide world problem.

 

Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

 

What do Transformers do when it gets hot?

They put on a tank top.

 

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast. 

 

Flat-earthers don’t see a problem with climate change, ice bergs melting and the sea level rising.  The excess water will just flow off the edge of the Earth.

 

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

 

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

 

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

 

Is it okay to mock people for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

 

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

 

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents:

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

 

Man: “Why is it raining pennies and quarters?”
Climate:”Change”

 

Tor the Pirate decided to retire.  He fired his crew, ran his ship aground, and built a small cabin for himself just a short walk from the beach. He enjoyed his quiet life until global warming turned his front yard into a swamp. He couldn't get down to the shore without struggling through muck and mud that was once his solid ground. Finally, he realized only one solution was possible: he was going to have to plank the walk.

Some sort-of related jokes

Angry Notes 

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear America,
You gave us Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..."
Just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

 

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

~~~~~~

Me: What do you do?

Jim: I am into Global prosthetics distribution.
Me: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Jim: I prefer 'international arms dealer'.

^^^^

An older gentleman kept having trouble activating his Amazon Echo, because could not remember its name, Alexa.

“Just think of the car Lexus and add an “A” at either end,” His daughter suggested.

The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. Then he remembered what his daughter had said and confidently called out, “Acura!”

And finally:

I encountered time traveler from the year 2045 yesterday. He sat down and said he wanted to tell me some things about the future because if this knowledge was entrusted to me, I could be trusted to use it for good. Over the next few minutes he told me about many things but I was left with many questions. He said I could ask a few, so I did.
I asked about climate change. He assured me that after 2035, nations got serious and the problem has been all but solved.
I asked about Covid-19. He assured me it would be a blip on the radar of human history and nobody worries about pandemics anymore.
I asked about massive economic turmoil we are in. He said despite the borrowing and deficits of earlier times, those debts are now repaid. The United States has never been a better more united society. Everyone has free healthcare.
I was so happy to hear all this. I asked about inflation and how much it costs for a gallon of water, or a loaf of bread or a cup of coffee. He chuckled and said I didn't need to worry about such trivial things. In the year 2045, it was possible to still get coffee at Starbucks in America for under 150 Yuan.