~~~~
“I realize we all grieve in our own way, ma’am but the
crematorium staff did not appreciate the fireworks you put in your late husband’s
pockets.”
````
The highlight of the illegal fireworks show was that
house burning down.
+++
The final exam for her visual design class was to design
a fireworks display. She passed with flying colors.
====
Why is it that men who sell fireworks are so often called
‘Lefty’ or ’Stumpy’?
^^^^^
If your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand - You might be a redneck.
<<<<
How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about
America?
Because freedom rings.
>>>>
What’s the difference between a duck and George
Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on
a bill.
----
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with
cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
~~~
Amidst all of the distractions on this 4th of July, let’s
not forget what we’re celebrating:
That the British blew a 13 colony lead
++++
So, it's the 4th of July night and all the dead
presidents are gathered around a campfire having a party. They're drinking beer
and eating s’mores and just generally having a grand old time when President
Washington puts President Lincoln on the spot.
"Hey, heyyyy, Lincoln, do your little speech.
"Oh, yeah, the speech. Yeah, that thing. Nah, I can't. Can't remember it."
"Whaddya mean you can't remember the words? It's the speech; you've said
it a million times! You've got that like burned in your brain, right?"
"Well, yeah, normally, sure, I've got it memorized, but that was four
s'mores and seven beers ago."
++++++++++++++++++++
And now for something entirely different.[tp1]
I recently got Rickrolled when I clicked on a link which
opened to the music video for Rick Astley’s 1987 hit song “Never Gonna Give You
Up.” Rickrolling is when you troll someone on the internet by
linking to the aforementioned song. Rickrolling has become such a meme that using
the words of the song has become another form of Rickrolling in and of
itself. These bits below kind of require
you to know the chorus of the popular song.
Here is your very own Rickrolling link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Rick Astley's releasing a new song 'Brexit'. It's titled:
Never Gonna Give EU Up
Rick Astley’s guide to password management
* Never going to give you out
* Never going to write you down
* Never going to run around and reuse you
Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour”
and “armour”?
Because Rick Astley is British and they are never going
to give ‘u’ up.
Where is the best place to hide if you are running from
the police?
Rick Astley’s house he's never gonna give you up
Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast
track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?
I’m never gonna run around and dessert you.
Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof
He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me
down.
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't
leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't
leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
So in essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never
gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
You walk into a bar and see Rick Astley sitting alone
You sit next to him and start talking
Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies
Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical
copy of the movie with bonus features
You say that you've always wanted to see it but never have
He says it's a great movie, you have to see it
Nervously, you ask Rick if you can borrow his copy of the movie
He says no
He's never gonna give you Up
In doing so, he has let you down.
*This is the Astley paradox*
Rick, a salesman, specialized in real estate. As he was
talking to a client named Mr. Down about a property. The client said to Rick...
"Never in my life have I seen such a lovely
house!"
"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick, worrying about the poor condition of the
upper floor.
"Give me the paperwork" said Mr. Down. "I'm gonna."
"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin.
"Up we go I guess" said Down "I wanna see
the second floor."
"NEVER!" said Rick. “Let’s get dinner first.”
"Gonna pay for me?" asked Down.
"Let me think..... of course, I will."
"You are the best!" said Down But while they were driving to the
restaurant they got in a terrible car accident.
"Down! Are you okay?" asks Rick.
"Rick," he says, "read the first word of
every line"
"Damnit" said Rick.
Here is a little linguistics puzzle for you:
What is the opposite of?
Always
Coming
From
Take
Me
Down
Now say your answers aloud.
Enough Rickrolling.
Some random pirate jokes.
What is a pirate’s favorite firework?
Argh, M80
A woman asks the Pirate Captain “How far is the
closest land?”
“Three miles”, he answers.
“That’s not too bad, in which direction? She asks.
The Captain replied “Down”
======
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The bartender asks, “Hey, what’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Argh,
I’ve got a bounty on my head.”
And finally, a joke for Catholics.
“I’m sorry daddy, I’ve been a bad girl.”
“We’ve been over this before, Mary. It’s ‘bless me Father for I have sinned’.”
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