I got to thinking
recently (always a dangerous thing) and realized that things have really
changed in my lifetime. I mean REALLY
changed. Things are very different than
even the science fiction books I read 50+ years ago could have predicted, and
not always in a good way.
So this week I
thought I would just list a few things that were once common and are now gone. I hope you find these lost items amusing or
at least interesting:
Long distance phone calls – these
were a big deal back then.
Busy signals – Sometimes you could
not reach people
Party lines – you had a special ring
to let you know it was for your house
Candy cigarettes – yeah, so you can
get started early
Smoking being widely practiced and accepted – even though everyone
knew it was bad
Kids going out and playing outside
until full dark
Going barefoot in the summer
Pay phones in general. A local call was a dime.
Library index cards
Researching things in books at the
library
Hand written letters. Actually writing everything in cursive
Typing pools – which were 100%
female
Telephone operators – also all
female
Answering machines – These were a big advance
Dressing up to fly on an airplane.
And security was unobtrusive
8 track tapes and the alternative
Cassette tapes
Record players with inserts for
those little 45 records.
Transistor radios – way before Walkmans
AM radio in general. It was
very influential
Microwave ovens – Even TV dinners took half an hour to prepare
Burning leaves in the fall – leaving a wood smoke haze
Seat belts – I remember Dad having lap belts installed in the car.
Clothes lines – the original solar powered clothes dryer.
Having to watch TV shows when they were aired, or waiting 6 months for
the rerun
Network news that was only 30
minutes of unbiased reporting
TV stations going off air and showing that odd graphic with an
Indian’s head
Black and white TV – We would go over to the neighbors to watch
Bonanza
Fat people – sure there were overweight people, but nothing like
today.
Daily newspapers including morning and afternoon editions.
Green stamps – you got them for buying groceries
I am glad some of
those are gone. Like they say, might be
better or worse, but it sure is different.
If this tickles your memory you can send me some things that you
remember that are gone now.
Okay,
enough with the old stuff, here are a few actual jokes.
Randy Pausch is a
renowned computer science professor, but that didn’t carry much weight with his
mother. After he got his PhD, she introduced him to friends by saying, “This is
my son. He’s a doctor, but not the kind who helps people.”
======
“I make mistakes;
I’ll be the second to admit it.”
<<<<
What's a quiet
Hawaiian laugh? Aloha.
^^^
One of the oddities
of Wall Street is that it is the dealer and not the customer who is called
broker.
>>>
You can’t believe
everything you hear—but you can repeat it.
~~~~
My girlfriend and I
are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I
should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
~~~~
When my local
barista handed me my change, one coin stood out. “Look at that. You rarely get
one of these old wheat pennies nowadays,” I said, tapping the sheaf of-wheat
design. I handed her the penny. Turning it over and over in her hand, she said,
“You know, I always
thought they were made of copper.”
^^^
I just read
something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness
announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as
'English Weather'.
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will
now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather'-- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.
~~~~~
Scene: A sports store.
Customer: Do you
have jogging shorts?
Salesman: We have
running shorts. How fast were you planning on going? —
+++++
There was a great actor
who could no longer remember his lines, eventually no one would hire him. After many years he finally finds a theater
that is prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, “This
is a most important part, but it has only one line. You walk out on stage at
the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one
finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply, and then say, ‘Ah, the sweet
aroma of my mistress.’”
The actor is thrilled. All day long he practices his line over and over again.
Finally, show time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage,
and with great passion delivers the line, “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”
The theater erupts with laughter. The actor goes offstage bewildered and sees
the furious director.
“You damn fool!” cries the
director.
“What happened?? I’m sure I didn’t forget my line!”
“No!” screams the
director. “You forgot the rose!”
And
finally.
I recently attended a showing of the musical The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It is a great play, actually more of an opera, but it also left me with a couple of irresistible Hunchback jokes. I have forgotten the names of all the characters in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But Quasimodo rings a bell. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
~~~
What is brown and
wrinkled and lives in a bell tower.
The lunch bag of
Notre Dame
>>>
Quasimodo’s brother
called Semimodo came to visit him in the bell tower. Semimodo wanted to ring the bells but he had
crippled hands. So he would rush up to
the bells and run into them with his head, causing a deep ‘bong’. One day, alas, he missed hitting the bell,
and fell out of the tower to his death.
A crowd gathered around the poor man’s body, wondering who he might be.
One man looking at
him exclaimed.
“I don’t know who
he is but his face rings a bell.”
Another opined he
must be from the bell tower because,
“He is a dead
ringer for his brother.”
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