Dumb Blonde JOW #1268

 

I enjoy jokes about people doing dumb things, partly because I have been one of those people.  It used to be we would make fun of ‘other’ groups (such as Polacks), but in these more sensitive and caring times the only people we can still mock are blondes.  The term ‘dumb blonde’ is at least as old as the ‘dumb jock’ trope.  I have a few jokes with a dumb blonde theme.  Oh, and on a personal note, I passed my heart cath.  My pipes are not getting clogged; this is a good thing.

I tease blondes but frankly if common sense was lard, most people wouldn’t be able to grease a pan.

 

Why do blondes love boob jobs?

It’s the only job they’re qualified for.

 

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

“I wonder if it’s mine.”

 

How do you confuse a blonde?

You don’t. They’re born that way.

 

What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

 

I asked my blonde friend why she kept empty beer bottles in the refrigerator.

She said, "They're for my friends who don't drink."

 

Brunette: "Have you met my identical twin sister yet?"

Blonde: "No, what does she look like?"

 

One blonde tells the other:
“What do you think, isn’t it the time to tell my parents I’m adopted?”

 

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver: “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Hearing this, the other blond leans inside, smiles, and twitters: “Will it take ME?”

 

A blonde shot an arrow in the air. She missed.

 

A brunette and a blonde walk in a park one morning.

Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird on the ground. “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she said sadly.

The blonde stops, looked up into the sky, and said, “Where? Where?”

 

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. The wife started having contractions one day, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father?”

 

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spotted a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, “Don’t waste your time on that one. She’s a lesbian.”

The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, “So which part of Lesbia are you from?”

 

A blonde asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?"

"Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two."

The blonde said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

 

A blonde girl was playing Roulette in Las Vegas. She was having a bad day and lost all her money except the last $100.
“What else am I going to do now?”, – she cried.
The man was sitting next to her and asked her:
“Why don’t you play your age?”
The girl put all her money on 29 and when 36 hit, she fainted.

 

A blonde and a brunette are having a dialogue.

Blonde: what does IDK stand for?

Brunette: l don't know.

Blonde: OMG, I’ve asked to everyone and nobody knows.

 

A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire, so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!”.
The operator asked, “Where are you? ”
The blonde answered, “At my house”.
The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how we get there?”
The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!”

 

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are on the run from police and take cover in a barn. The best hiding spot available is behind large sacks of potatoes. It isn't long before the police arrive at the farm and enter the barn. As the police look around with their flashlights, the girls stay completely still and silent. A spider crawls across one of their legs, prompting her to kick it off — that made a slight noise. The police approach the sacks of potatoes, and one officer kicked a sack with his boot. The brunette says, 'Meow.'

‘Oh, just a cat’.

He kicked the next sack, and the redhead says, 'Woof.'

‘Oh, just a dog.’

He kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, 'Sack of potatoes.'

 

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar, and they see Jesus.
"Wow! That's really Jesus!" they say. "We should buy him a beer."
They walked up to Jesus and ask him: "Jesus, may we please buy you a beer?"
Jesus replies: "yes you may, my children."
Jesus drinks his beer and he is satisfied. In gratitude, he placed his hand on the redhead's shoulder, and said: "thank you for the beer, my child."
The redhead gasps and says: "my shoulder! It's stopped hurting! Thank you, Jesus."
Jesus turns to the brunette, he places his hand on her wrist, and he says: "thank you for the beer, my child."
The brunette gasps and says: "my wrist! It's all better! Thank you, Jesus."
Jess turns to the blonde. He tries to touch her back and he said: "Thank you for the beer, my child."
The blonde backs away from Jesus and said: "No thanks. I've got workman's comp."

 

And a couple of off topic jokes.

 

People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, nobody's laughing now.

 

A man started rubbing an old lamp he found, and a genie appeared and granted him a wish.

The man asked to make him irresistible to women.

So the genie turned him into a pair of really cute shoes.