Richards Revenge JOW #438

I get lots of good ideas sent to me by JOW sufferers. I often pass them on. This week my friend Dick outdid himself by providing two sets of wholly appropriate jokes. Dick is a banker by trade and as such is well qualified to provide comments about our economy.


1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?? Wall Street is now being called WalMart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker? The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds’. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's

New Stock Market Terms

• CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
• BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
• VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER - What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW-The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
• PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use