Good Government JOW #437

Dick recommended I do some jokes about Illinois politics. Governor Blagojevich (a Polish name which translates as “Bad Toupee”) is making quite a spectacle of himself. I think he is going to have to rethink the whole concept of giving out his “Cell Number”. The most amazing thing about it is that he is so unapologetic. His view is that until he is tried and convicted he is totally innocent and until then it is business as usual. This may work for mafia dons, but the Governor is supposedly serving his public. Yeah, serving the same way a bull serves a cow. The guy must be going for the “Robert Mugabe Intransigence Award”. His latest transgression, profanely stating he would sell a seat to the US Senate, is no aberration; his entire tenure has been marked by incompetence and a veniality that startled even hardened Illinois politicos. From day one Blagojevich and his henchmen have had their hand out. Then he appoints one of his cronies to serve in the Senate. I just hope Roland Burris got a money back guarantee. It is all enough to make a Louisiana politician envious.

How about this for a new state motto:
Illinois – Where our governors make your license plates – personally.

The nightly talk shows are having a field day.

"But you know what he was doing? Because Barack Obama is the President-elect who used to be one of the senators from Illinois, Blagojevich has got to appoint a senator. So he was calling up people, saying, 'Would you like to be a senator. Well, what's it worth to you?' Well, I just hope to God this doesn't tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics." --David Letterman

"They've been doing some research into Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Have you seen this guy? Well, it turns out that thing on his head actually mated with that thing on Donald Trump's head." --David Letterman

They say he conspired to sell the U.S. Senate seat held by Barack Obama. Blagojevich was trying to sell it to the highest bidder. Yeah, now, I don't want to say he was brazen about it, but he did it on eBay." --Jay Leno

"It was a very stupid thing to do. Especially since the last governor of Illinois is currently in prison for exactly the same kind of thing. And not only that, think of it, you're in Chicago, you have Barack Obama's seat for sale, don't you go directly to Oprah? Who would pay more for Barack Obama's seat than her?" --Jimmy Kimmel

This is what politicians do whenever they get in trouble. Early this morning, embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich invited several ministers into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he tried to take up a collection." --Jay Leno

"Time magazine reports that Governor Blagojevich has an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. That means he could actually disapprove of himself." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday was Governor -- You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? 'For sale.'" --Jay Leno

Kathy sent me this new one.

An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces
the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the
loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the
robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks
around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers
is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him
too.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one Irish gent, looking
down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
“I think me mother-in-law may have caught a glimpse ....”

Finally, a joke from the old days—

The Pope, Bill Clinton and Mayor Daley in are in a lifeboat, lost at sea. Unfortunately, they only have enough drinking water for one person. The three of them decide to vote to determine who should get the water. They vote, and Daley wins 6 to 2.