Chemical JOW #441

I thought I would do some chemistry jokes this week. I know, chemistry is a never-ending source of humor; those wacky chemists are always cracking wise. That might be because she is doing some work with chemicals again. At any rate, here are some rather unusual jokes.

I like this one

Two chemists began chatting after the chemical convention
One wore a shirt saying 'Polar', the other, 'Non-polar’.
“Would you like to go out?” asked the male chemist.
“No,” she replied, “I just don't think the chemistry is right.”

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Chemistry studies

A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing.
"We've been observing water under the microscope. We're supposed to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them.
The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes,
"During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."
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At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand. "Never lick the spoon."

Three molecular chemistry jokes
Two molecules walk into a bar. One begins patting his pockets.
“Darn, I’m afraid I’ve lost an electron.”
“Are you sure,” asked the other.
“Yes, I’m positive”

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

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Dr. Heisenberg (of Heisenberg’s Theory of Uncertainty fame) is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".
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Chemistry puns!

What do you do with dead chemists? Barium

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

"This old pipe is rusty", said Tom, ironically.

"Scale keeps forming inside the kettle", complained Tom, recalcitrantly.

Here is an one combining Norse theology and chemistry; you just can’t beat the old basics
Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.

And one new, non-chemistry joke from Mary Ellen
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,
'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'