Hot JOW

A high pressure dome has settled in for an extended stay over Texas. That means the weathermen have nothing to do until it breaks. Like Hawaii they merely post up the same forecast every day: highs in the upper 90’s lows in the upper 70’s and very humid. We have lots of humidity here on the Gulf Coast. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. You can get soaked in sweat just going out to pick up the morning paper. Anyway, I have some hot jokes and a couple of religious ones that will probably earn me a few hot decades in Purgatory. But if they make you smile, it will be worth it.
First about the weather:

•If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?
•What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxis!
•And now, for your extended forecast: "Foooorrrcaaaasssstt"

Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados. But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
M0 Tornado - Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow and become mildly annoyed.
M1 Tornado - Cows are tipped over and can't get up.
M2 Tornado - Cows begin rolling with the wind.
M3 Tornado - Cows tumble and bounce.
M4 Tornado - Cows are AIRBORNE.
M5 Tornado - S T E A K ! ! !

Questions from Don
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Mary Ellen suggested this one
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, Religion?
The man says ‘Catholic.’
St Peter looks down his list and says - go to room 28 but be very quiet as you pass room 8
Another man arrives - Religion? ‘Baptist’.
Go to room 18 but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
A third man arrives at the gates. Religion? Jewish.
Go to room 11 but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?”
St. Peter says, "The Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they are the only ones here."

Which reminded me of this one from Mike
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment .They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week
to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was on crutches.
In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.