Alligator JOW

We have lots of hot and dry jokes these days such as: “We have catfish a 12” long that haven’t learned how to swim yet.” It is really hot. The weathermen, in their continuing effort to make things look as bad as possible have invented a “feel’s like” Heat Index that takes into account our dreadful humidity. So we have temperatures of 99 with a Heat Index of 104. Meanwhile, over in Phoenix, Dave and Janet are putting up with a typical Arizona summer day with actual temperatures of 108.
To get a break, Ruth and I will take next week off and spend our time loafing about on a houseboat on the St. John’s River in central Florida, so I may have to have a break in the JOW chain. Ruth has decided she will not swim in any river that she has to share with gators, the big sissy. So my theme this week is ALLIGATORS!

On a vacation to Florida, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"No," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"Oh," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Alligator shoes:
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!

A Yankee was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by a friend.
"Is it true that an alligator won' t attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
His friend smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight."

That reminds me of a lawyer/alligator joke

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator."


And one non-gator joke:

Two friends meet on the street after not having seen each other for some
time. One of them is using crutches.
"What's the matter with you?" asks his friend.
"Bus accident," says the man on crutches.
"When did that happen?"
"About six weeks ago."
"And you still have to use crutches?" the friend asks.
"Well," says the man, "my doctor says I could get along without
them, but my lawyer says I can't.