Strumming on the old Banjo JOW

I had the great pleasure to listen to my friend and neighbor play the banjo in a really first rate Bluegrass band. For some reason the banjo, like the accordion, gets no respect in the world of musical instruments. Note that I did not include bagpipes because we are discussing ‘musical instruments’ here. I guess practitioners of the banjo get no respect because, well, just look at one. The banjo, not the player; well, okay, both of them. So this is a tightly focused “strumming on the old banjo” JOW: all banjo jokes.

A musician had an operation on his hand. He asked the doctor if, after surgery, he would be able to play the banjo.
The doctor replied "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."

How can you tell if there's a banjo player at your door?
They can't find the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don't know when to come in.

How do you get a banjo player away from your door?
Pay him for the pizza.

What is the difference between a frog and a banjo player?
The frog is on his way to a gig.

Where is the best place for a banjo player to play?
In traffic.

How many strings does a banjo have?
Five too many…

What's difference between a banjo and a fish?
You can tuna fish...

What is the best thing to tune a banjo with?
Wire cutters

Q. If a banjo player and a guitar player both fall at the same time from a balcony in the top of a skyscraper which one would hit the ground first?
A. The guitar player - the banjo player will have to stop and retune at least once on the way down.

Saint Peter is interviewing newly arrived musicians at the Pearly Gates. He asked the first musician, "So, what did you do?"
"I was first violin with the London Philharmonic," stated the first musician.
"Fine, you may enter," said Saint Peter. He then asked the second guy, "What did you do?"
"I was a school band leader," said the second guy.
"Great, you may also enter," replied Saint Peter.
Finally, Saint Peter asked the third guy, "So, what did you do with your life?"
"Well," replied the third guy, "I really wasn't a great musician--I played banjo in a bluegrass band.”
"Oh," replied Saint Peter, "Oh, all right, you can come in but go around to the back door, okay?"

A man decides to take a vacation from his job and travel somewhere exotic. So, he books a trip to a small, untouched Pacific island where the native culture is still intact. He has great expectations (no, not the novel by Dickens) for his trip, as he really needs the time off.
As the boat is approaching the island, he notices the sound of drums. "How quaint," he thinks, "the natives are engaging in an ancient ritual with drums." He arrives at the island and gets something to eat. All this time, the drums are going. Well, after a few hours, he begins to wonder when the drums are going to stop. Thinking it is a significant native ritual, the man decides to just forget about the drums and enjoy his vacation. But, after another two days of continuous drums, it's really beginning to bother him. So, he asks a local, "When are the drums going to stop?"
The native just looks at him. So, he asks, "Why are the drums going on so long?" This native begins shaking his head. “Drums must keep playing,” he replies and departs hastily.
After another two days, the man has had it with drums. He grabs the first native he sees by the neck & demands that he make the drums stop.
The native replies "I would rather die than be the one who stops the drums."
The man asks him why.
Slowly, the native answers…"Because when the drums are over, the banjo solo starts!"

Okay, this next one is a cultural joke. You have to know the old song before you get it.

An old banjo was on his death bed and called his whole family together so that he could bid them farewell and make his peace with the world. After he said what he wanted to each in turn and he knew he was coming very close to death he called for all to gather together.
"I have one thing I would like to confess before I go," he said. They all drew closer. "It was me," cough, wheeze, "I was the one," he said as they leaned down as close as they could to hear what he could barely get out in a whisper. Gasp, cough, "I was the one," cough, wheeze, "strumin’ in the kitchen with Dinah…"

And for more banjo mania, check out this story concerning a recent outbreak in hootenannies in the Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/banjo_player_sought_in_hootenanny