Fishy JOW

First, I got a lot of feedback on my banjo JOW. Apparently there are lots of banjo fans out there. Are there any fans of the accordion out there? I am always looking for themes for my weekly effort. After almost 10 years I can use all the help I can get. I did get a suggestion to use fish as a JOW topic. Fish are not especially amusing; however, I do have a few along with some old lines from Cheers.


Three blonds are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
“We don't have any." replied the first blond.
"Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blond, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blonds started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blond said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Some third grade fish riddles:

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the river bank

Q. What kind of money do fish make?
A. Net profits

Q. What country do fish want to live in?
A. Finland

Q. What fish is most valuable?
A. Goldfish

Q. Where do shellfish go to borrow money ?
A. To the prawn broker !

Q. How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?
A. He prawned everything !

Q. Why are fish so smart?
A. They are always in schools

Q. Which fish go to heaven when they die?
A. Angelfish

Q. How do fish go into business?
A. They start on a small scale

Q. What kind of money do fishermen make?
A. Net profits

Fish one liners
Do fish have wet dreams?
What do you call a fish with no eyes? …Fsh
A fish swam into a wall and said, “Dam!”
What bit of fish doesn’t make sense?,..The piece of cod that passeth all understanding



The Buffalo Theory of Beer Drinking, Fishing and Brain Development:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making It possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and excessive fishing, making the brain operate faster.
The moral of the story: Drink more beer and fish more, it will make you smarter.


Finally, some non-fish humor. Cheers had some great lines. Norm had many of them when he entered the bar. Here are a few:

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out
of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with it's wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one...make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."