Happy New JOW #490

It being New Year’s eve, I suppose I should celebrate with some topical humor. I for one am more than willing to see the back of the year 2009. In fact, the entire decade wasn’t all that great. But I hope for the best in the new year, once again allowing optimism to triumph over experience.
New Years humor normal focuses on two topics: New Year’s resolutions and drinking. Not being one to disappoint my readers let me start with some of my own resolutions:

• I intend to start procrastinating more, starting tomorrow.
• I will try to be one with my duality
• I will share my wisdom and advice for there are few sweeter words than “I told you so.”
• Before I criticize another man I will first walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets mad at me I have a good head start and he is barefoot.
• I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except for the ones that are someone else’s fault.
• I will let go my feelings of guilt and try to get in touch with my inner sociopath

A quick attempt at a joke
Jane took an afternoon nap on New Year ’s Eve. Upon awakening she told her husband that she had a vivid dream that he had given her a pair of beautiful diamond earrings.
“I wonder what it means?” she asked him.
“Oh, I think you will find out tonight,” he smiled at her.
Sure enough, just before midnight he presented her with a nice New Year’s gift.
A book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”


On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his car and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' inquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

Finally,

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'