JOW of Inner Peace #494

My bits this week are from your fellow JOW sufferers. I hope you enjoy them.
Of note, I find that periodically Outlook drops people from my JOW list. I have been doing the JOW for nine years or so and have never removed anyone from the JOW list unless they ask me to do so. And I forgive all 93 of those people. At any rate, should you ever go a week without receiving a JOW check my JOW blog at http://thospinneyjow.blogspot.com/. You can also Google thospinneyjow and find it that way.

Al, who has a very dry sense of humor submitted these two insights

If you are concerned about stress in your life, I am passing this on to you because it definitely works─we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following this simple advice you too can find inner peace. According to a number of wise people the secret is:
“The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”
I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before doing my Joke of the Week, I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, the rest of that vodka, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my wife's old Prozac prescription, some Doritos, and a box of chocolate.

You have no idea how good I feel right now.
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The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new healthcare package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those softy Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington!!!
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This is from Tom & Martha
A group of 20-something buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there were pretty and have low cut blouses.
Twenty years later, at 40 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
Twenty years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
Twenty years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

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You have all seen the signs as you cross a state line: Welcome to “My State” along with some cheesy marketing motto. Actually “Our Whole State is Cheesy” is the motto for Wisconsin. Don passed on some mottos that have a bit of truth in advertising for welcoming signs.
Iowa – I hope you brought something to do.
Kansas – Look around you. You’ve seen it all
Rhode Island – Look fast or you will miss us
New Hampshire – You can’t believe how white we are
Welcome to Nevada – Home of gambling, drugs and whores
Montana – Also known as West Dakota
Connecticut – The Toll Booth State
New York – Gimme your Money! Now!
Welcome to Oregon – Ummm wow, this place is like totally awesome, dude
California – Bienvenidos A California (Welcome to California)
South Carolina – When Jesus comes back, he’s coming here
Welcome to New Mexico – Yes we are part of the United States
Louisiana – Crooked Politician’s Paradise
Oklahoma – Gateway to Nebraska
Welcome Kansas – Home of the world’s most boring wheat fields
Florida – Dinner will be served at 4:00PM