Bookish JOW #502

I am trying to finish the penultimate edits of my latest book, “Jac and the Princess” within the next two weeks, so books are on my mind. That is why books and reading are the twin themes of my JOW this week.

There have been a lot of Chuck Norris Jokes going around. Only one of them is related to books:

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he simply stares the book down till he gets the information he wants.
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Here is a literary knock knock joke.

Librarian: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Librarian: Winnie Thupp.
Kid: Winnie Thupp who?
Librarian: He's in the juvenile fiction, and so is Piglet!

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The English literature students thought reading Melville's Billy Budd would be an easy task because the novel is only 90 pages long. One boy, however, complained that the text was heavy and hard to comprehend.
"Hey," another student suggested, "maybe you should try reading Budd Light."

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One day, a teacher was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds. She held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, "Billy, what is this animal?"
Little Billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I don't know."
The teacher was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Billy, "Well, Billy, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?"
Little Billy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look came over his face, as he asked, "Mrs. Smith, is that really a stupid pig?"!

And now a list of unlikely authors and their books

• The French Chef
by Sue Flay
Secrets of the Mind
by Sarah Bellum
• Tight Situation
by Leah Tard
• Unemployed
by Anita Job
• Off to Market
by Tobias A. Pigg
• I Live in Detroit
by Helen Earth
• Handel's Messiah
by Ollie Luyah
• Downpour!
by Wayne Dwops
• Cloning
by Ima Dubble
• Irish Flooring
by Lynn O'Leum
• Holmes Does it Again
by Scott Linyard
• Home Alone IV
by Eddie Buddyhome
• Neither a Borrower
by Nora Lender Bee
• The Scent of Men
by Jim Nasium
• French Overpopulation
by Francis Crowded
• Fallen Underwear
by Lucy Lastic
• House Construction for Amateurs
by Bill Jerome Home
• Lewis Carroll
by Alison Wonderland
• Leo Tolstoy
by Warren Peace
• The Coming Gas Crisis
by M. T. Tank
• Wind in the Willows
by Russell Ingleaves
• Look Younger
by Fay Slift
• No!
by Kurt Reply
• And Shut Up!
by Sid Downe
• 40 Yards to the Latrine
by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont
• Glass Bikini
by Seymore Skynn
• Yellow River
by I. P. Freely
• Sex on the Beach
by Sandy Shortz

Penguin jokes are always interesting.

A truck driver was driving 100 penguins to the New York Zoo when his truck broke down on the freeway. The driver got out of the cab and was looking at the engine when a second truck driver stopped in front of him and asked if he needed any help. The penguins' driver explained that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asked if the other man would take the penguins there. He agreed. Some hours later, the second truck driver drove past the first one, who was still waiting on the freeway for help to come. The penguins, however, were still on the truck!
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so I’m taking them to the movies now."

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And finally

A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in another university when his chauffeur offered an idea. "Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off."
"Sounds great," the scientist agreed.
When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and sat into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.
"Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question.
The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment but quickly recovered.
"That's an easy one," he replied. "In fact, it's so easy I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"



Thos. Pinney