Ancient JOW #507

I have been interested in humor for a long time─ not only what people find funny, but the history of jokes themselves. The only joke book to have survived from the ancient world, is known as the Philogelos. It is a composite collection of 260 or so gags in Greek probably put together in the fourth century but including – as such collections often do – some jokes that go back many years earlier. The contexts are often odd, with references to slavery and eunuchs, things not considered amusing today. Even so, I find the ancient Greeks had a more understandable sense of humor than say, the Victorian English.
So here are 10 jokes that are all over 2,000 years old.

A favorite subject was the ‘professor’ or academic egg head who often displayed little common sense.
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When Plato had defined Man as a featherless biped, and was admired for it, a smart ass Greek plucked a chicken and brought it into the lecture-room and said “Here is Plato’s Man”. After that, ‘broad-nailed’ was added to the definition.
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A professor was talking with two friends. One of them said that it is not right to slaughter a sheep, since it brings us milk and wool.
The second said that it is not fitting to kill an ox either, since it provides us with milk and plows our fields.
The professor said that it is not right to kill a pig either, since it provides us with bacon and pork.
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A professor nearly drowned when he fell into a river. He swore that he would not enter the water again until he had learned how to swim
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A professor and his household were on a sea-voyage, when there was a big storm. His slaves, fearing for their lives, began weeping.
“Don’t cry,” the professor comforted them, “I’ve set you all free in my will.”
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A professor was inquiring where he ought to build his tomb: when some people said that it would look good in a certain place, he said “But that area is unhealthy.”
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There was an ancient version of Monty Python's dead parrot sketch:
A man buys a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the seller, he is told: "Well, he never died when I owned him."
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An absent-minded professor is asked by a friend to bring back two 15-year-old slave boys from his trip abroad, and replies "Fine, and if I can't find two 15-year-olds I will bring you one 30-year-old."

In the days before paternity testing, there were lots of ‘Who’s your daddy?’ jokes.

The story is told about a man from the provinces who looked much the Emperor Augustus Caesar. When he came to Rome the Emperor, hearing of the man, brought him to the palace and asked if the man’s mother had ever worked in the palace.
“No”, came the reply, “but my father did.”
Augustus did no more than grin and bear it. (Later Emperors were not so tolerant.)

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A man far from home when to a fortune teller and asked him about his household back in Greece, the seer assured him that ‘They are all healthy, including your father.’
“But it’s been ten years since my father died”,
Thinking quickly the fortune teller replied “You don’t know who your true father is.”

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And finally, jokes about dumb foreigners have been around for millennia. For example, I have no idea where Abdera was, but Abderites were apparently the Aggies of the ancient world.

“An Abderite saw a eunuch talking to a woman and asked if she was his wife.
When he replied that eunuchs can’t have wives, the Abderite asked, ‘So is she your daughter then?’”


Thos. Pinney