Red Hot JOW

The summer solstice marking the official start of summer is not for another month. Here in the Houston area I have a different measure of the start of summer: When we have three days in a row where the temperature is over 90. Hello Summer! I do like to whine about the soul-sapping oppressive wet heat of south Texas, but I acknowledge that we are the merest pikers when it comes to heat. I have friends that live in Phoenix. Now there is some heat! In Phoenix they don't bother making thermometers that go below 70 degrees.

You know you are in Arizona when:

you can make instant sun tea.
you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
the temperature drops below 95, and you feel a bit chilly.
you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, Really Hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
hot water now comes out of both taps.
farmers feed their chickens ice chips, so they don't lay hard boiled eggs and cows ice water so they don't give powdered milk
it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and fry?"
you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
robins pick earthworms out of the ground with tongs.
But it is a dry heat. So dry in fact rain is becomes a distant memory. A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

Of course, every region has its own weather humor:

Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's it like?"
The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."

What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.

How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Rainer, it's going to rain. If not, it already is.

In New Hampshire the local forecast was: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: Not so sunny, 55.

There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.


Many of us go on vacation to get better weather. As an old Florida boy, I am used to seeing tourists. This is an old line I remembered from those halcyon days.

A vacationer went back to his room to get something to drink for himself and his wife; one of the hotel maids was making the bed. He grabbed his cooler and was on his way out when he paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"
"Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."

Finally, sort of a weather-related ‘joke’.

A preacher and his flock at a very poor church in the hills of Tennessee took up collections, baked cakes and washed cars for months to get enough money to buy paint for the church exterior which was bare and weather beaten. Finally they went to Wal-Mart to buy paint. The minister decided to economize and so only used less than half money they had raised, keeping the rest for himself.
They all joined together on a Saturday morning to do the job. When they were about half finished they realized that they were going to run out of paint before finishing. The preacher told them, "It’s a water base paint, just thin it down with water."
They continued painting and thinning until the color started losing its depth and when they finally finished it was dark green at the top, light green in the middle and a very light green (almost white) at the bottom. The preacher and his flock were standing on a nearby hill looking at this strange paint job when a dark cloud appeared and the heavens opened up with a deluge of rain which washed all of the newly applied paint off the church. The preacher was in tears and the congregation was stunned at all the hard work they had done for nothing.
Just then there was a huge lightening flash followed by the roll of thunder and a loud voice from the heavens rang out, "REPAINT, REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE."


Thos. Pinney