On the Road JOW #514

Summer has officially arrived. Let me state the obvious ─ the greater Houston area is hot and miserable for six months out of the year, and we are well into that six months. Never mind that May, 2010 was world wide the hottest month of May ever since they began keeping accurate records of temperatures, it is just really hot and humid here. Travis says people in the DC area complain about Washington heat and humidity; he just laughs. They have no idea. So Ruth and I will be getting some altitude, specifically some Rocky Mountain high air. We will be gone for a couple of weeks so this JOW is out early. I might get a JOW out next week if I can find internet access and I am not having too much fun.

In light of my upcoming adventure here are a few jokes that are vaguely related to travel. Sorry about the first one – I couldn’t resist.

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it.
Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"
The crew chief said, "Oh that was tollgate booth paste."

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There were three men traveling together, a priest, a doctor and a lawyer. It was starting to get late and they needed to find a place to sleep.
They came across this farm and they asked the farmer there if they could spend the night. He said, "That's fine but my guest room is only big enough for two people, one of you will have to sleep in the barn."
The priest said, "I don't mind sleeping with God's creatures, I will take the barn."
So they all agreed and went to their room/barn). About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the priest.
He said, "There is a pig in there that won't stop oinking! I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."
"That's ok," said the doctor, "I'll sleep in the barn, I am not too proud to sleep with animals."
So they all agreed and traded places. About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the farmer.
"I can't stand the odor from that cow in there anymore. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."
"Well, I guess that leaves me," said the lawyer. So he went to sleep in the barn.
About an hour later there is a knock at the guest room door and there stood the pig and the cow.

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A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These" she explained "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

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There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

Some tips about camping

-A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
-A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
- Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
-The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
-The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
-It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
-In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent-mate.
- You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
- The best backpacks seem to be named for national parks or mountain ranges. I would steer clear of those named for landfills.

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And finally from Don:

What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

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At 8
You take her to bed and tell her a story
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At 18
You tell her a story and take her to bed
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At 28
You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed
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At 38
She tells you a story and takes you to bed
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At 48
She tells you a story to avoid going to bed
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At 58
You stay in bed to avoid her story
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At 68
If you take her to bed, that'll be a story
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At 78
What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?




Thos. Pinney