Hot Times JOW

Summer afternoon...the two most beautiful words in the English language.
~ Henry James
From this statement it is obvious that Mr. James never spent a summer in Houston. Lots of places get hot in the summer – my friend Dan up in North Dakota said it was 100 degrees up there, and Dave and Janet regularly put up with real triple digits temperatures, not those heat index values the weather pixies put up these days. What makes Houston summers so wretched is that they go on and on. Instead of Ground Hog day, we should have Hound Dog day. If your dog jumps into the pool on August 15th you can expect six more weeks of summer.
Here are a few ‘cool’ jokes to help you get by for those six long weeks.

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A four year old frightened his family one summer by disappearing during their lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when found the boy was found playing calmly in the woods.
"Listen to me, Matthew," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."

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For her summer job, a petite 18-year-old arranged interviews at several day-care centers. At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie seats, no simple task for most people. The interview went well, and at the end, the day-care center director asked the standard question, "Can you give me one good reason we should hire you?"
"Because I fit in the chairs."
She got the job.

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While in the men's room at a beach park in Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-changing table installed on the wall. They must have had some unfortunate incidents with fishermen.
Above the table was a sign saying: "It is unlawful to clean fish on this table."

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I am going to close with a couple of non summer-related bits:

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him.
Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven where he meets St. Peter.
Seeing the suitcase Peter stopped him saying, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
Peter opens the suitcase and sees all the gold and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

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Some random thoughts:
~ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
~ Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
~ Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
~ All generalizations are false.
~ Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


Thos. Pinney