Tenth Anniversary JOW #520

This is JOW number 520 (more or less). That means I have been doing a joke of the week for more than years. Yow. I can’t say I haven’t missed a week here and there during that time─after all, there was that stint when I had brain surgery; but all in all, I have been pretty faithful in getting my jokes out.
So, enjoy
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At the banquet of Tom and Susan’s 10th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
“Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”
Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So in a spirit of competition, they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."
"I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney covered in bandages.
"Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision."

Three job-related jokes.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
________________

I think everyone gives 100% at work. Usually it is about 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

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Some ‘old’ jokes...
- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...
- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
- Old soldiers never die…. Young ones do.


Thos. Pinney