Automotive JOW

My daughter asked me to do a car-themed JOW. No problem. I have owned some awful cars in the past; the kind that if you crack a tail light it is totaled. Of course they had the nice feature of doubling in value every time you filled it up with gas. Guys at stoplights would start to wash my car window, stop, and give me a dollar.

So here are some jokes that are either car related, transportation related, or fit it with the Chili Cookoff. I will start with one of my favorites:

Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.

WORST CARS OF THE MILLENNIUM...as voted by NPR's Car Talk:
• The Yugo: "At least it had heated rear windows so your hands could stay warm while you pushed."
• Ford Pinto: "Remember that great Pinto bumper sticker? 'Hit me and we blow up together'?"
• Renault Le Car: "It would put you in mortal danger if you had an accident with anything larger than a croissant."
• Volkswagen Bus: "There was no heat--unless, that is, the auxiliary gas heater caught fire."
• Fiat X1/9: "It ran fine--that is, unless it was too wet, too cold, too hot or too dark outside."
• Chevrolet Vega: "As far as I could tell, the car was built from compressed rust."
• American Motors Gremlin: "It was entirely possible to read an entire Russian novel during the pause between stepping on the gas and feeling any semblance of forward motion."

The 1973 American Motors Gremlin combines the advantage of not worrying about it getting stolen with the advantage of it being so ugly that poisonous snakes flee from it in terror.
--Dave Barry

+++++++++++++++++
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees' fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis Church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees' fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees' fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
___________________

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs agent stops them and says, "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" ask the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over—I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can't come. He's busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

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An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no.
"Ah, so sad," says the European. "Your wife, she is impregnable?"
"Well, um, that's not exactly the word," says the American.
"Oh!" interrupts the European. "I mean, she is inconceivable?"
"Um, not quite --" the American begins, only to be interrupted again.
"Oh, no, that isn't right," says the European. "She is, what is it, she is unbearable?"
"Well, actually, that's pretty much sums it up," says the American.

…………………………………………………………………..
Bubba and Leroy were chatting about Bubba's new purchase.
"What is that thang?" sez LeRoy.
"It's a thermos bottle," responds Bubba. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"What you got in there?"
"Chili and iced tea."


Thos. Pinney