Grocery JOW

I was having some game processed this week; I took the meat to a local meat market to have some sausage made. Imagine my surprise to find that when I got them back the ends of the sausage were filled with corn meal. When I asked the butcher why he explained that in these tough economic times it was difficult to make ends meat. That got me thinking about food in general and grocery stores in particular. I only know a few clean grocery stories; here are a few of them.

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The man approached a lovely woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

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A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. As he went to the checkout line, she quickly cut in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her groceries," said the clerk.

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A shopper asked a store clerk if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager.
"Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, "... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half."
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager.
"Lancaster, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams."
"Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster," challenged the manager.
Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?"

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Mary Ellen sent me this one; by snail mail no less!
An elderly lady decided to give herself a treat on a significant birthday by staying overnight in London. She checked into a very nice hotel and had a nice dinner with friends. The next morning the hotel clerk handed her a bill for £250.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It is a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth £250 for a night. That doesn’t even include breakfast.”
The clerk assured her that was the stand rate. Soon the hotel manager became involved.
“This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool, an elaborate exercise facility, and a spa on the premises.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she protested.
“Well, they were here and you could have.”
He went on extolling all the wonderful facilities that were in his hotel, the famous shows, the three restaurants, the fancy shops. For each of these amenities she had the same reply.
“I didn’t use it.”
To which the manager would reply, “But they were here and you could have.”
Finally, worn down the old girl wrote a check.
The manager looked down in surprise. “Madam this check is only for £50.”
“That’s right. I charged you £200 for sleeping with me.”
“But I didn’t sleep with you!”
“Well, too bad. I was here and you could have.”


Tom