Dry JOW

Most of Texas is in an ‘exceptional drought’; and when you are talking exceptionally dry for west Texas that is dry indeed. Wild fires have burned over a hundred thousand acres of the western part of the state. I have been to west Texas; I bet the fires did hundreds of dollars of damage.
However with dryness on my mind I have chosen some elements of what might be considered dry humor. And a water joke. And some funny new words. Read on, you are bound to find something to amuse you.
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Mahatma Gandhi was asked by an English journalist what he thought of Western Civilization. Gandhi replied, "Ahhh; that would be a very good idea."

• "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Iraq." ~ A. Whitney Brown

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A passenger on a bus asked the conductor, "Is smoking permitted here?"
"No," said the conductor.
"Well, Where did all these cigarette butts come from?"
"From people who didn't ask questions." replied the man in uniform.
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A woman with her new baby got on a bus.
"My goodness," said the conductor. "What an ugly baby! I have never seen an uglier child."
Upset with the conductor's behavior, the lady complained to the inspector who had just boarded the bus.
The inspector gave her a paper and pen and said, "Write down the complaint, madam. And while you write I will hold your monkey."

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A woman, seeking to make her husband a bit jealous told him a that a man passing her on the street that day had greeted her with 'Hello gorgeous.'
Her husband replied, with a straight face, 'What color was his guide dog?'

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A pair of tourists were wandering in a west Texas field when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge.
After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives right into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About a minute later, a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.
"That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!"

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Dry Marketing:
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

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One day my mother was out, and dad was in charge of his little 2 1/2 year old daughter.
Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home.
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little girl bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

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It is time to exercise my Poetic License. I have come across a couple of cool new words; English is great for that sort of thing.

• Lardaceous - which means "fatty." In case you haven't guessed, its base word is "lard" followed by something you might hear a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle say. Lardaceous!
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Kinkle - Before your mind wanders, take note that "kinkle" is not a kinky way to tinkle. (I know it sounds a little misleading.) The meaning of "kinkle" actually makes a little bit of sense. A kinkle is a small kink. So if you have a slight kink in your neck, you could actually say you have a kinkle in your neck. If you're having a bad hair day and your hair is full of kinks, you could call it kinkly.

• Jentation - a fancy word for the first meal of the day, a.k.a. breakfast. It is not at all commonly used, but feel free to start a breakfast-naming-revolution!