Old Spanish JOW

I recently had to dust off my Spanish while in Panama and later with fishermen on some isolated islands in the eastern Caribbean. Though I was taught Spanish in school it has been so long that I began to think Cinco de Mayo referred to five jars of mayonnaise and ‘Como se Llama’ referred to a South American animal. Though I am back now, and online in English; I offer these vaguely related Spanish jokes for your amusement.

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There was a sad case of identical twins who were taken from their mother at birth and adopted by very different families. One was a typical Hispanic couple who named their new baby Juan Gonzales. The other was a middle-eastern couple who called the other twin Jamal Hussein.
Many years later their birth mother engaged a private eye to find out what had happened to her long-lost sons. After a prolonged search he came back with full reports on both of the young men.
“Are you sure they are my sons?” she asked the PI, “Are they truly identical?”
“Oh, yes, they look exactly alike,” he assured her.
“If you have seen Juan you have seen Jamal.”

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Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr. Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, “I’m in the family way.”
The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, “Your husband and your son.”
Mrs. Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
“Well,” Aimara explained, “I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, ‘You are in the way’. I go to the living room to clean and your son say ‘You are in my way’. So I’m in the family way and I quit.”

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A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
“Woman, I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want – and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table at six o’clock sharp unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?”
His lovely new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at ten o’clock every night – whether you’re here or not.”

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Mary Ellen provided this final offering

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken thighs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking?

Her husband speaks English!


Tom Pinney