Firey JOW

To say it has been hot and dry here would be an understatement. The media does not like to cover boring things like droughts and heat waves even though high temperatures kill more people in the US every year than all other weather-related deaths combined. You don't see it on TV because droughts just aren’t visual. I used to say Houston is like LA with humidity. Now it is more like Phoenix with humidity. Humid but rainless. Since last October we have had half the rainfall in that time…. of the previous record drought. We have gotten about a third of normal rainfall. What makes this so bad is that the flora and fauna are ill adapted to the severe heat and lack of rain. The results are lots of dead trees and fires – more than 3 million acres have burned this year in Texas alone.
With fire on my mind I tried to come up with some fire-related jokes. There are not many so I padded things with some comic observations.

One evening, a resident of a small rural town called the local volunteer fire department to request assistance in removing her cat from a tree.
Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control dispatcher called the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond. The chief said sure, call out the department, since it was early evening and it shouldn't be a problem for the volunteers to respond.
The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an extension ladder. The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support the weight of the extension ladder. Rather than send men back to the fire hall to bring the aerial ladder truck, one of the firefighters suggested an alternate course of action.
Two of the firefighters supported the ladder while a third climbed high enough to tie a rope around the tree at about half its height.
The other end of the rope was tied to a trailer hitch on a pickup truck, with the truck slowly driven forward, forcing the tree to bend over. One firefighter was poised to grab the cat as soon as it was within his reach as the tree bent nearly all the way over. Then the knot securing the rope to the trailer hitch slipped free.
The cat was last seen airborne, headin' south.....
======
Q: If H 2 0 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K 9 P

-----------------------------------
Firemen rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined.
The doctors said he was all right.
The nurses said there wasn't much left.
……………………………..
A blonde called the rural fire department all excited. "Come quick my barns on fire, my barn's on fire."
The dispatcher says, "Calm down now just tell us how to get there."
She says, "Oh, don't you have that big red truck anymore?"

Some random thoughts
• I had amnesia once -- or was it twice.
• They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

+++++++++++++++++++++
Finally, some short ones from famous comics -

"My mom told she how learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' " -- Paula Poundstone
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. -- Tim Allen
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -- John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second." -- Steven Wright
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other." -- Rita Rudner
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin." -- Winston Spear
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their whole lives." -- Sue Murphy
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there." -- Ron Richards
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else." -- Lily Tomlin
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -- George Carlin
"I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter." -- Drew Carey
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -- Billy Crystal
"Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease." -- Bill Maher
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology." -- Jay Leno


Tom