Simply Criminal JOW

“The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.” – Abraham Lincoln (That quote came to me from Dan.)

My theme this week is that of stupid criminals. We all do dumb things; sometimes they are funny. Most crimes are stupid in the first place, and when criminals do dumb things that get them caught we can all smile, and they do Really Stupid things all the time. Here are a few classic criminal gaffes:


A middle-aged man convicted of robbing a convenience store decided to fire his lawyer and take charge of the case himself. During the store manager’s testimony, he jumped up, accused her of lying, and added the lovely and poetic phrase: “I should’ve blown your (expletive) head off!” Sources say he looked around nervously, and added “…if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took about twenty minutes to convict him guilty.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A drug dealer decided to impress his friends by hiring a limousine for a big night on the town.
His first stop was at a posh suburban residence to sell some cocaine to a rather influential individual.
Hoping to earn a little extra profit by blackmailing his wealthy customer, the crook handed a camcorder to the limo driver and asked him to record the event for posterity.
The driver, an off duty police officer, was happy to comply.

---------------------------------------------
Investigating a purse snatching, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D.
The suspect carefully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."

===========================
A teenager was arrested by the Pennsylvania police and charged with felony daytime burglary. How did they find out? Well, the victim noticed that someone had broken into her house through a bedroom window. She also happened to check her computer…which had the burglar’s Facebook account still open. Apparently, after snatching two expensive diamond rings, he had felt the irresistible need to check his status. Can you say…”un-friend”?

…………………………………………….
It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who seized the man as he waited in the line at Bank of America.

----------------------------------
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home...with the chain still attached to the machine...with their bumper still attached to the chain...with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

And on a related note:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

___________________________
A man who tried to steal cash from the Dunkin' Donuts outlet on the Post Road on Monday night fled with an adding machine that he apparently mistook for a cash register.
Police said the unidentified man walked into the doughnut shop and handed a clerk a note stating that he had a gun and a bomb. The man's note said he would use both if he didn't get cash, police said.
The man then grabbed an adding machine, which had no cash drawers, from the counter and ran from the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed

********************************
Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into a bank one day.
Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "Freeze, mother stickers, this is a f--- up!
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
The thief ran away.

And last and best of all:
Reema Bajaj was set to conquer the world. At the age of 25, she'd already graduated from law school. She'd opened up a solo practice in Sycamore, Illinois. But she also had a secret... Police in DeKalb County say they were investigating another case when they found evidence -- believed to be emails -- linking her to prostitution in August of last year. And since the carnal transaction occurred less than 1,000 feet from a school, that upgraded her prostitution pinch to a felony.
Alas Reema was also charged with offering to perform sex acts for a man last month for $50, proving she wasn't a very good lawyer, since every barrister knows that charging reasonable fees can get you disbarred.