Deep Fried Southern JOW

There is a rich vein of humor about the American South; just think about the famous Blue Collar tour. It should not be surprising that we have so much to laugh about – after ridiculous things are often funny. So here are some regional jokes, a few observations about those Southern Girls, and a Southern slant on medical terms.
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A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
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The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
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A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunk good old boy, from S.C., got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way I can pass that test."
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The owner of a golf course in Florida was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Florida and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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What would the South have been without those Southern Girls? They may be a dying breed but they sure are fun. Here are a few things every real Southern Girl knows -

• Southern girls know the three types of school:
Ballroom
Ballet
Charm

• Southern girls know their three R's:
Rich
Richer
Richest

• Southern girls know their vacation spots:
The Beach
The Beach
The Beach

• Southern girls know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

• Southern girls what is good about June, July, and August:
Summer tans
Wide brimmed hats
Strapless sun dresses

• Southern girls know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Sugah

• Southern girls know their religions:
Catholic
Baptist
NASCAR
Football

• Southern girls know the seasons:
Spring Training
Practice
Football
Recruiting

• Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

• Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
Bad hair
Bad manners
Bad blind dates

Finally, from Eric, some Southern Medical Terms

Artery.............................. The study of paintings
Bacteria........................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium…………………………….What they do when patients die
Benign............................ What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section............ A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan.......................... Looking for Kitty
Colic............................... A sheep dog
Coma.............................. A punctuation mark
Dilate…………………………..To live a long time
Enema............................ Not a friend
Fester............................. Quicker than someone else
Fibula............................. A small lie
Impotent………………………..Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain.................... Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid........................... A higher offer
Nitrates………………………..Cheaper than day rates
Node............................. I knew it
Outpatient...................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis................. .......... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative............... A letter carrier
Recovery Room............. Place to do upholstery
Secretion....................... Hiding something
Seizure.......................... Roman emperor
Tablet........................... A small table
Terminal Illness............. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor………………………..One plus one more
Urine………………………….Opposite of you’re out


Tom