Working of the JOW

This JOW is dedicated to all those hard-working Americans who are still able to work at all.

An old blacksmith realized he needed some help. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do exactly whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

……………………………………….
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says a relieved Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

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These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. I could not work under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

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Here are some useful catch phrases for work –

• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.



A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.
The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."
The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."
The tech shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"

A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer geek were driving in a car when it suddenly stopped.
“Let me check the fuel,” offered the petroleum engineer, “It is probably bad gas.”
“No, let me check the engine,” said the mechanical engineer.
“I bet it is the electrical system,” opined the electrical engineer.
The computer geek shook his head. “First we need to open and close all the windows and then see if it will start.”

After AAA fixed the problem the four continued on their trip. They were heading down a steep winding road when the brakes suddenly failed. After a wild ride down they were finally able to get the car to coast to the side of the road. Shaken they all emerged from the car – each had a reason for the brake failure that nearly killed them.
“Bad brake fluid,” suggested the chemical engineer.
“Probably the mechanical shoes on the brakes,” offered the mechanical engineer.
“Undoubtedly a failure of the braking system electrical solenoid,” countered the electrical engineer.
The computer geek had his own suggestion – “I say we push the car up to the top of the hill, head down and see if it happens again.”


Tom