Horsing Around JOW

This week’s jokes are horse related. There is no particular reason; I just have never done a JOW about horses and after ~580 of the things I figured it was about time. It is not as though I know much about horses; I have only been riding a few times in my life. But I do know that you should never lick a gift horse in the mouth. And I suspect that horse sense is found usually in people with a stable mind. I also have heard of Hartley's First Law which is:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something

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One day, while I was petting a Shetland pony, a friend of mine asked, "How are you today?"
Of course I responded, "I'm feelin a little horse."

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A man's car stalls on a country road. When he got out to fix it, a horse in the nearby field comes up alongside the fence and leans over to him and says, "Your trouble is probably in the fuel system," says the horse.
Startled, the man jumps back and runs down the road until he meets a farmer. He told the farmer his story.
"Was it a large white horse with a black mark over the right eye?" asks the farmer.
"Yes, Yes," the man replies.
"Oh, I wouldn't listen to her," says the farmer, "she doesn't know anything about cars."


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A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife and whacks him on the back of his head with a frying pan.
Man: "What was that for?!"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?!"
Man: "Oh honey. Don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife seemed satisfied and headed on to do some work around the house, feeling a bit sheepish.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called!"


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An Amish man named Samuel was injured when he and his horse were struck by a car at an intersection. Samuel sued the driver of the car.
In court, he was cross-examined by the driver's lawyer:
Lawyer: “Samuel, you've told us all about your injuries. However, according to the accident report, you told the investigating officer at the scene that you weren't injured at all, isn't that true?"
Samuel: “Well ... let me explain.”
Lawyer: “Go right ahead” (thinking he now had the plaintiff on the ropes). “Please tell the jury.”
Samuel: “When the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked upon my fallen horse. Finding him injured, the officer said to me, 'Looks like he has a broken leg,' and then he took out his weapon and shot my horse dead. Then the officer came up me and asked me how I was doing. Of course, I immediately replied, 'I'm OK!'”

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A blonde went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. The horse did not stop or even slow down. Fortunately just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness the store manager came and unplugged it!

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A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer. The waiter is a bit shocked by this, but manages to stammer out that it would be ten dollars.
The horse gives him a ten dollar bill and goes over to one of the tables, and starts reading his paper while drinking his beer. The horse eventually finishes his beer and starts to leave.
The bartender calls out to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here."
To which the horse replies, "At ten dollars a beer, I'm not surprised.”

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Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged.
The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!"
Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!"
This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound looked up at the horses and said, "That’s nothing, I ran 50 races and I won 49 of them."
The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow! A talking dog!"


Tom