Bow Wow JOW

This is JOW #600. Since Ruth has been doing some training of service dogs, I have decided to devote my Joke this Week to the wonderful world of dogs.

Life lessons learned from a dog
• If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
• Don't go out without ID.
• Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
• Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
• Always give people a big greeting.
• When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
• If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

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"On Judgment Day if God should say, "Did you clean your house today?"
I hope I can say, "I did not, I played with my dogs and I forgot."

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A minister was asked to dinner by one of his church members. He knew she was a bad housekeeper but agreed. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit uncomfortable, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

A minister paid a visit to a couple who had just moved into town. As he knocked on the door a large dog bounded up and as the door opened, pushed his way in. The couple seemed nervous at meeting the minister and did not say much but only smiled faintly; the dog, however enthusiastically bounded around the room, knocking things over and generally making a mess. The couple did nothing to restrain the animal. Finally, the mutt began pulling at the minister’s pants leg.
The minister could stand it no longer. “Would you please put your dog out?”
The new couple looked at one another and then at him. “Our dog? We thought it was your dog.”


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Haiku is about the only poetry I can handle; here are some dog-based examples

"Dog Haiku"
I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.


Dog prayers -

• Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
• Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
• Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
• Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
• Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
• Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

A dog ‘bar joke’
A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall


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And to close out my Doggie Style JOW….
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, fool dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read it without the word dog


Tom