I delayed my JOW about dogs for a week and even though I have a hurricane to joke about I will hold that one until next week. Hey, I am usually a little behind. As Calvin put it ‘God put me on this world to accomplish certain things. I am now so far behind I will never die.’
Anyway in honor of the dogs days of summer here are some dog-related jokes.

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A man saw a sign by the side of the road in a back road in deep East Texas that read ‘Talking Dog for Sale.’ His curiosity piqued, the man parked and then walked up to a ratty old trailer where an old man sat in a folding chair in the shade.
“I see you are selling a talking dog. Mind if I talk to him?”
The old man looked up at the traveler and hollered “Bo, get over here,” at an old hound under a nearby tree. The dog slowly got up, ambled over and sat down next the old man.
“Hello,” said the man to the dog feeling a little foolish.
“Good day,” replied the dog to the astonished traveler.
“How is it that you can talk?” stammered the astonished human.
“Well, it’s kind of a long story. I was part of a secret CIA project. There were several of us in the program. They used drugs and intensive training to teach us how to understand and speak English. At first they tried using us for espionage. I went all over the world doing secret work for the government. I won all sorts of medals. After a while they tried using us with the DEA in the war on drugs. I was part of some big busts, but they could not use my testimony in trials, we were still top secret. Eventually I was awarded a special medal from the President himself, again, all very hush hush. The pace finally got to be too much for me and I decided to retire down here with my former handler. He hasn’t done so well in the Great Recession and I guess he has decided to let me go.”
With that the dog walked slowly back and laid back down in the shade of the tree again.
“How much to you want for that dog,” the stunned traveler asked the old man.
“I’ll take $20 for him.”
“Twenty dollars for a hero dog like that?”
The old man lowered his head and spoke softly to the traveler. “Listen mister, I got to tell you the truth. That dog is a big liar; he never did any of those things he told you.”

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The housing market is becoming tight. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place; family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No dogs."
Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months, except for one problem: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit. He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog on the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidents. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out. Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog - dead rabbit in mouth.
Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction (and possible jail time) he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage. Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work. "How is everything?" asked Chuck.
"We're moving" replied the man. "People in this apartment complex are sick.”
"Why? What happened?" replied Chuck.
The neighbor replied: "Some twisted bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage."
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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.”
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Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Some dog riddles -
Q: What's expected if the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!

Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?
A: The wrong answer.

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A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx cleared his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said,
"It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,"
I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief.
"What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a Chihuahua."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

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A service dog joke

A man goes into a bar with his Labrador. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says
"This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man," the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says
"You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies
"What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

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Another riddle -
Q. What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A. About four or five beers.