Spicy JOW

Now that Ruth is off to college I can finally set up a room as a proper man cave. I have my work station all set up in there with shotguns and fishing rods in the corners, manly art on the wall, a big easy chair, a big screen TV - with a Wii set up on it - and miniature remote controlled helicopters.
Since this is from the Man Cave, the jokes this week are a bit more risqué than usual. Enjoy.

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Some time ago, there was an artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes. He had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup, too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God." he whispered loudly. "It's my wife! Quick - Take all of your clothes off!"

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A grandfather went to visit his college-aged grandson at the boy's college dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his grandson was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the cheap high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway to his room.
"In my day," grumbled Gramps, "we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes."
"But Grandpa," replied the grandson, "that IS a whore's shoe."

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A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. "What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.
"Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie," replied the mother.
"I want one," said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted.
"I want one just like that," she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, "If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one."
"And if I'm bad?" asked the little one.
"Then," answered the mother, "you will have many."

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One afternoon, a representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the busy airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor.
She noticed passersby looking at her as she quickly tried to stuff all of the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."

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This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says, "ACTS 2:38!"
The burglar froze, while the lady got to the phone and called 911 for the cops. When the cops arrived, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: "How did you do this?"
The woman replied, "I quoted scripture."
The cop turned to the burglar and asked, "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?"
The burglar replied, "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's."

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And one more that I have heard is based on a true story:

Two lawyers (let’s call them Tom and Pat) decided to go skiing. They loaded up Tom’s car and headed to Colorado. As they near the ski resort they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Tom said, we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn to settle down for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Tom got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Pat and asked, "Pat, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm where we stayed on our ski holiday in Colorado."
"Yes, I do." said Pat.
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and sleep with her?" asked Tom.
"Well, uh, yeah," Pat said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" asked Tom.
Pat's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
Tom replied, "No need to apologize, Pat. She died last month and left me everything!"

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