Electorial JOW

We will be enduring sixty days of electioneering between now and the election. Candidates run negative ads that look for emotional hot buttons to tip an ill-informed electorate toward one side or the other. Example: “Did you know Romney carried his family dog on top of his car! Yeah? Well, Obama ate a dog. It was probably a cute puppy, too!” Of course we all believe all the negative ads. This is part of the reason Congress has a 10% approval rating.
There is an advantage in being in a non-battleground state where the results of the general election are fore-ordained; sure I am effectively disenfranchised in national elections but on the other hand I do not have to put up with nearly as many of those incredibly annoying campaign ads.
I honestly believe the US is in big trouble and that we are embarked in a path that will eventually lead us over a cliff. Everyone wants to create jobs and reduce our current unsustainable borrowing, but the Democrats refuse to countenance any cuts to social programs (that might hurt the people who vote for them) and the Republicans will not increase taxes (on the people and corporations that give them so much money). Any specific plan to take action is attacked and thwarted by those who deem it disadvantageous to their particular interests. Sound policies are attacked on ideological grounds.
I know perfectly well who to blame: we the voters. We continue to re-elect these self-serving scoundrels. When I look at the record of the people we have sent to Congress over the last decade, I tremble for the republic.
Well, this is supposed to be a series of jokes and amusing quotes, I will step down from my soap box and give you all some electoral humor.


Bob sent me this illustrative story of a tale of two states.

California:
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and menaces the Governor's dog.
1. The Governor starts to intervene, but then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $500 testing it for diseases and $1500 for relocating it.
3. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
4. The Governor spends $500,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
5. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
6. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a security agent with special training re: the nature of coyotes.
7. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

Texas:
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his Ruger pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent 75 cents on a .380 cartridge.
2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.
3. Ruger markets a version of the pistol as the ‘Coyote special’ and has to hire additional help to keep up with the demand.
And that my friends is why California is going broke and Texas is not.
Note: The Texas part is a true story: http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-05-25/news/27065381_1_coyote-great-gun-pistol

The pundits love the political season – it provides them a continuing source of humor:

• "The White House is now brewing its own beer. Republicans say the White House beer is actually pretty good -just don't drink the Kool-Aid." –Jay Leno
• "Yesterday a medical marijuana group officially endorsed President Obama for president. It doesn't really help Obama though, because they were just getting around to endorsing him for 2008." –Conan O'Brien
• "Here's what's great about America. You can now buy waffle-flavored vodka. See, good things are happening under Obama." –David Letterman
• "You can think outside the box and pick someone who'll excite people like Sarah Palin or you can play it safe with an honest down-home family man like John Edwards." –Craig Ferguson
• “How bad is our economy? Well I’ll give you my two cents…which used to be a dollar.” – Stephen Colbert
Here are a few more political observations:
• At a campaign stop in Virginia, Joe Biden said he is such a NASCAR fan, “I’d trade being vice president in a heartbeat for winning Daytona.”
To which President Obama said, “Deal!”

• Even though Biden made a number of gaffes this week, President Obama did say he’s sticking with Joe Biden as his running mate, and Biden is thrilled. Of course he’s thrilled; do you want to be looking for a job in this economy?

• President Obama is still reminding people that he inherited this economy. Let me tell you something. If this economy doesn’t turn around soon, his inheritance could be cut off in November.

• CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, “This is outta my league, bro.”

• One of the presidential debates will have a town hall format where citizens will ask the candidates questions. The most common question: “Are you the only two choices?”

+++++++++++++++++++++

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute at the convention, the politician took $200 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed delegate replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the hooker replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side."


And one non-political joke.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a man stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. He brought his selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.
"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.
"Cash," he snapped. Then, apologizing for his rudeness explained, "I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."
"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"


Tom