Gridiron JOW

Football season opened this weekend with a full slate of college and professional games filling the television schedule. Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 80,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them. Pro linemen are so huge that it takes just four of them to make a dozen. These are men so strong they can pitch horseshoes while they're still on the horse. I thought one of the linemen had a tattoo on his leg but it turned out to be a government meat inspection stamp.
I miss John Madden doing broadcasts; I remember one of his classic quotes "If you see a defensive line with a lot of dirt on their backs, they've had a bad day."
Anyway here are some football jokes at the expense of a variety of college and professional teams and their fans.

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The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "I still think the Saints are Super Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey has survived!"
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Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and wear it to pick up trash on Monday.

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An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan, fighting side-by-side, were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Tennessee fan if he had any last requests.
The Vol said, “I want to hear Rocky Top one last time.”
The Bama fan was then asked if he had any last requests.
“Yes, shoot me first!”

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A man is sitting at a park bench when another man sits next to him and they engage in conversation. Shortly after, the second man says, “So, I bet you’re a Texas Aggie.”
The first man says enthusiastically, “Why, yes I am. How did you know? My intelligence? My wit? My good looks?”
The second fellow says, “No. I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose.”

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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
Tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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A big student walked up to the coach and asked if he could play football.
“Can you tackle?” the coach asked him.
The kid said, “Yes, sir coach, I can tackle.”
The coach then asked, “Well, can you run?”
The kid said, “Yes, sir coach, I can run very fast.”
The coach then said, “Can you pass a football?”
The kid thought for a second and said, “Well, coach, if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”
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Did you hear about the Penn State kicker who tried to defenestrate himself? (That means throw himself out the window, Rich.)
He missed wide right.
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A man inherited over one billion dollars from a long-lost uncle who happened to be an oil baron. The man, thrilled at his good fortune, asked his young son what he wanted. He told his child that money was no object. The boy said he wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit. So the man bought him the Oklahoma State University.