Bacon JOW #628

I usually try to have a theme for my JOW. Since I am on something of a diet I figured this week I should do some humor about – not dieting or weight loss but what is on my mind: BACON! How good is bacon? Let’s put it this way: to improve OTHER food, they wrap it in bacon. There is no food that is not improved by adding bacon; even bacon is better with more bacon.
Meals without bacon are usually not worth eating. Even frying bacon is gratifying; the sizzling sounds just like applause. Most of your problems can be solved by cooking more bacon. Even pigs like bacon; fact. I am not sure about turkey bacon, though -- what the hell is going on at that farm?

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 Q. Why did the pig go into the kitchen? A. He felt like bacon.
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I always get the Bacon Brothers confused. So I made myself this cheat sheet:
Kevin N. Bacon - Actor
Michael A. Bacon - Musician
Chris P. Bacon - Delicious
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Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
 "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.
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Some bacon and eggs walk into a bar. “Get out of here,” ordered the bartender, “we don’t serve breakfast here.”


A retired priest and a retired rabbi struck up a friendship in their declining years. They enjoyed chaffing one another good naturedly on all subjects but especially religion. On afternoon as they sat companionably on a park bench the smell of bacon drifted over to them. “So tell me Abe,” the old priest asked, “have you ever tried bacon?” “Well, yes, once, years ago. I was a bit of a rebel in my youth and I did try some. It was delicious.” There was a pause and then the old rabbi asked a question of the priest. “Did you ever have a woman, Patrick?”
The old priest blushed slightly as an old memory stirred. “Yes, Abe, before I took my vows there as a girl… We were pretty serious for a while. So, yes, I have been with a woman.”
There was a long pause. Then Abe leaned over to his friend. “It was better than bacon wasn’t it?”

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 Q: If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get?
A1: Obesity
A2: Heart Disease
A3: Hardening of the Arteries
And well worth all of them.


And while we are on the subject of healthy eating, this was provided by the ‘Lovely Lisa’
 Math Problem: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?
Diabetes, John has diabetes. Or maybe chips, salty things go well with candy bars.

• Did you hear about that guy that went crazy up in the Bronx zoo? He thought he was a pigeon. They found him throwing bread crumbs to himself.

• Laughter is the best medicine - except in the case of diarrhea.
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And on a completely unrelated note: To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal’s) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Additionally, older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.