Kid Stuff JOW

Whilst awaiting the start of the Renaissance Faire (it starts with a very loud gun!) Bill and some of our friends began discussing kid jokes.  You know, short silly things like:

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Or

            What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino?

            Eliphino

Here are some more kid jokes:

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A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor, "I don't feel good."
The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!"

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 12, 28 and 44? 

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

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In some ways kids are more logical than adults.  Here is a logic test that First graders typically do better with than adults.

1) How do you get a hippo in a refrigerator?

2) How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?

3) If the Lion, King of all Beasts in the jungle, calls a meeting for all the animals, which one would not come?

4) Finally, if you were in the jungle and you had to cross a river.  It is not too deep to wade across but crocodiles live there.  How can you get across the river?

The answers are found at the bottom of the rest of the Joke of the Week.

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But to get down to those exciting answers you will have to endure some more jokes (all provided by someone else) which are just bound to offend some of you.

I get lots of jokes sent to me.  Dan sent me these.  If you are really mad about any of them just let me know… I can recommend a good therapist.  Don’t bother bothering Dan: he is a large man with a black belt in Kung Fu who frequently changes his home address.

• ·         Children in the back seat can cause an accident.  An accident in the back seat can cause children.
• ·         I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
• ·         A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually '
• ·         I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was: Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?
• ·         I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...'I’m going to take that.'
• ·         When I was a kid I used to be able to go to the grocery store with just a dollar and leave with a loaf of bread, some peanut butter, a pack of cookies, and even some meat.  Of course nowadays with all those security cameras around….

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 The Mother of all Jihadist Jokes...   from Tom of course.  
Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tubule and a pint of goat’s  milk.
The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
  ‘‘This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24-years-old now.’’
 ‘‘Yes, I remember him as a baby,’’ says the other mother cheerfully.
  “He’s a martyr now, though,” the mother confides.
  “Oh, so sad, dear,’’ says the other.
   ‘‘And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.”
   ‘‘Oh, I remember him,’’ says the other happily. ‘‘He had such curly hair when he was born.’’
   ‘‘He’s a martyr too,’’ says the mother quietly.
   ‘‘Oh, gracious me,’’ says the other.
   ‘‘And this is my third son; my baby; my beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18’’, she whispers.
    “Yes,” says the friend enthusiastically, ‘‘I remember when he first started school.’’
 ‘‘He’s a martyr also,’’ says the mother, with tears in her eyes.  After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother  looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the  right words, says……
  “They  blow up so fast, don’t they?”

And while we are offending people, here is one from Mary Ellen

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines - one line for the men who were true heads of their households, the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their households, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! YOU have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”

Answers to the logic puzzle.

1)      Simple; open the refrigerator door, put the hippo in the refrigerator, close the door.

2)   Well, first, take the hippo out of the refrigerator, then put the giraffe in the refrigerator and close the door.

3)   Very easy – the giraffe can’t be there; he is still in the refrigerator.

4)   Just wade across the river – after all the crocodiles are at the meeting called by the lion.