Travelling JOW #634

I have been on the road this week driving back the 900+ miles back to Jacksonville Florida to visit my family.  The Interstate Highway system makes travel very easy, and kind of boring.  As the famous CBS commentator (and secret bigamist) Charles Kuralt put it, “You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.” All those hours on road gave me the idea for a travel-themed JOW.

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All official road signs in Wales must be bilingual – both in English and Welsh.  The local authority needing a new sign so they e-mailed its in-house translation service for the Welsh version of: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential traffic only".

The email reply quickly came back and officials set the wheels in motion to create the large sign in both languages.  The notice went up and all seemed well - until Welsh speakers began pointing out the embarrassing error; you see the translation in Welsh was "I am not in the office at the moment. Send in any work to be translated"

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Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service (SS).
Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. Now Congress is considering a proposal for another agency: The "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."
    Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs? "F A T A S S"

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Seen on a T-shirt on the back of a motorcyclist:
If You Can Read This, My Old Lady Fell Off!

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When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
 The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.

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  An appeals court is deciding whether Vermont should have raised a stink about a vanity license plate bearing a message that resembles a slogan containing a four-letter word. The legal battle began after the Vermont Department of Motor Vehicles said the "Shthpns" plate couldn't stay on a resident's pickup. The state issued her the plates, but later confiscated them...
    ... What a bunch of fknasholz..

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And not to forget the airline industry: You Know It's a "No Frills" Airline When...

·         They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

·         All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

·         Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

·         You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

·         Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

·         The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

·         The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

·         You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."

·         No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

·         You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

·         All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

Finally here are a few travel-related quotes I found.

“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin

“Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.” — Elizabeth Drew

“Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it.”

and

“The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” – Dave Barry