Churchy JOW #649

I have been doing a fair bit of church stuff, it being the start of Lent and such so I decided to do a church-based theme.  Tom provided me with most of these although the first one is an actual occurrence dating from my youth.

On a separate note, after a hiatus of several years we will once again be hosting the Pinney Crawfish Boil and Beer Drinking Bacchanalia this year.  Ruth will be home on Spring Break in March and so we will conduct the event on the afternoon of Saturday, 16 March.  Feedingt will start around 1400 or so (that is 2:00 PM Glen) and go until we run out of food or beer.  We will be having crawdads, shrimp, brisket, and other informal goodies.  Bring your own beverages.  Since the JOW is distributed to about a hundred people all over the US and overseas I understand that many of you will be unable to attend this event, but let the record show – you have been invited.

Now for the jokes –

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A pastor was talking to some first graders about the story of the young Jesus with the elders in the temple.  He explained how his parents did not know where the twelve year old Jesus was for three whole days until they found him in the temple.

“What do you think they said to him when they finally found him?” asked the pastor.

A six year old girl, stood up to answer.  She put on fist on her hip and shaking her finger exclaimed, “Jesus Christ, where have you been?”

And a related one:

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great  difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist.

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Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" 

"It is" 

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?" 

"I can" 

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do"

"Is he a member of your congregation?" 

"He is" 

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?" 

"He will."

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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And finally

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said "So why is the groom wearing black?"