Marriage JOW #647

This week’s JOW is a bit tardy so it has an easy theme, marriage and the battle of the sexes, along with a couple of unrelated bits that were suggested to me. 

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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

 “Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"

 "Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

"Yes, dear,” She replied, “but I was in love and didn't notice." 

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in India a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son. 

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While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Bill and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Bill leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,

'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything we say to men....

The husband turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands, which just confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

   

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Bob was worried about his marriage; the spark seemed to have gone out of it.  A coworker advised him to express his love to his wife more freely and openly.  Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. 
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying.

She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A young lady visited a matchmaker - "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me?"

"What are your requirements?" the matchmaker asked.
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home. He should tell me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The matchmaker listened carefully and replied," I understand. You need a television."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

A Practical Quiz

·         Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?   * at the bottom of the  page  

·         The River Ravi flows in which state?   * liquid  

·         What is the main reason for divorce?   * marriage  

·         What is the main reason for failure?   * exams  

·         What can you never eat for breakfast?   * Lunch & dinner  

·         What looks like half an apple?   *   The other half  

·         If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?   *   It will become wet  

·         How can a man go eight days without sleeping?   *   No problem, he sleeps at night.  

·         How can you lift an elephant with one hand?   *   You will never find an elephant that has only one hand. 

·         If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?   *   Very large hands  

·         If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?   * No time at all, the wall is already built.  

·         How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?   * Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.  

·         What happened when wheel was invented?  news got around

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And Finally….

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
'You know' he said, 'I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'
The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'
The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.' 
The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more important than that.'
After a moment, the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said, 'I don’t know but he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'