This is a JOW with jokes (mostly provided by Bill) about nerdy
subjects. ‘Egg head’ humor has been
popular since the Greeks. (Even the Greeks made fun of geeks.) The idea
behind these jokes is the shared understanding of a concept that is not usually
associated with humor and is thus unexpected. There is also the concept of
shared communication –“oh, I get it”. If
you think back to your high school physics for example you might remember that
Newtons and Pascals are units of force which is an unexpected punchline. Anyway, here are some mostly short really
stupid ‘smart jokes’.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a
plumber?
Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of
that delicious New England seafood that he'd long heard about. So he gets into
a cab, and asks the driver, "Can you take me to where I can get
scrod?"
The driver replies, "I've heard that question a thousand
times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting a French café
reviewing his draft of Being and
Nothingness.
“I would like a cup of coffee, please with no cream,” he asked the
waitress
The waitress came back and said, “I am sorry Monsieur, but we are
out of cream. How about with no milk?”
````````````````````````````````````````````
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None; the light bulb contains the seeds of its own
revolution.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
It is so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they take
things literally.
******************
A logician’s wife is having a baby. Looking at the sonogram the wife asks her
husband, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
The logician replies, “Yes.”
Then she asks him to go to the store. “Pick up a loaf of bread; if they have eggs,
get a dozen.
He returns with twelve loaves of bread.
Some ‘walk into a bar’ jokes.
Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks “Do you all want a drink?”
The first logician says “I don’t know.”
The second logician says “I don’t know.”
The third logician says, “Yes!”
………………………
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini.
The bartender asks "dry?"
The German replies "nein, just one"
Then a Latin scholar walks into a bar and asks for a martinius.
“Do you mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
“No,” the scholar replied, “I just want one.”
-----------------------------------------
Two chemists walk into a chemist bar. The first chemist says I will have some
H2O. He gulps it down.
The second chemist shrugs and says, I’ll have some H2O, too. He gulps the drink down and dies.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Helium, neon, and argon walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve
noble gases in here.”
The gases don’t react.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The two most difficult problems to solve in Computer Science are
cache errors, naming errors, and off-by-one errors.
-------------------------------------
The physicist Heisenberg was stopped by a cop on the highway.
“Do you know how fast you were going back there,” the officer
asked.
“No,” Heisenberg replied but I know where I was.”
================================
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal were playing hide and go seek in
heaven. It’s Einstein’s turn to be ‘it’
so he covers hi s eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a squatter one meter by one
meter on the ground directly in front of Einstein and stands in the middle of
it.
Einstein uncovers his eyes and exclaims, “Newton, I have found
you. You are it.”
Newton smiles and says, “You did not find me, you found a Newton
over one square meter. You found
Pascal!”
Entropy just isn’t what it used to be.
A Higgs Boson particle comes into a church just before communion.
“We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here,” the priest said.
The Higgs Boson particle was surprised and replied “But, without
me how could you have mass?”
……………………
A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has
any luggage.
The Photon replies "No I'm traveling light"
…………………………………
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to
establish the volume of a red rubber ball.
The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and
measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the
diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer tried to look it up in
his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table he only had a Blue Rubber Ball Table and so
was unable to reach a solution.
~~~~~~~~~~
Diary of Pavlov’s dog:
“Day 19 - I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and
write in his book every time I drool.”
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