Traveling JOW #672

I will begin my Great American Driving Adventure in the morning; a 5,000 mile trip from Houston, down to Edinburg in the far south east corner of Texas, then skirting the border of Mexico to the Davis Mountains, on to greater Phoenix, LA, Yosemite, campsites in the mountains around Tahoe, on to Great Basin National Park, Estes Park, Dallas, and back home to The Woodlands. All that assumes things go as planned.  They say travel broadens – I hope that applies to my mind not my rear end. 

Since I will be on the road for the next couple of weeks I am not sure I will be able to maintain my JOW submissions.  And since I have travel on my mind my jokes this week are sort of travel related.  Enjoy.

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I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattlesnakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.
What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

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Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

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A salesman was searching for a certain company in unfamiliar territory. He came to a likely-looking road marked with a small red sign reading: Industrial Center.

He was not certain that this was the right road, so he drove back to a gas station to inquire.

The attendant took his arm and pointed to the sign that the salesman had just read, now barely discernible in the distance.

“See that little sign about three blocks away?” he asked.

“You mean the red one that says Industrial Center?” he asked.

“Man!” he exclaimed. “You’ve got eyes like an eagle!”

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A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

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A large train with two locomotives was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.
Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not an airplane."

Finally, a French train joke.

One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:
"Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here you have 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"
So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.
"Are you stupid or something??? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't, so I want my money back!"
While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also in the train were looking at them, so one turns to the other and says to him:
Man 1: "Look at this guy! He is mad!"
Man 2: "Yeah! He's almost as mad as the guy they made get off of the train in Mannheim."